Death in small doses
by indianpipe
Summary: Snape agrees to a risky plan that may render he and Voldemort benign. SSHG
1. Chapter 1

Death in small doses.

I had never apparated this far but it was time for a vacation and Neville's invitation was the perfect excuse to go to America. The journey left me dizzy and I found myself holding on to a weatherworn gate, hoping I had gotten the coordinates correct. I righted myself, smoothing out my hair as best I could and straightening my skirt.

The wooden gate, now more in focus that I had gotten my bearings was smooth under my hand and looped up into an opening and just above the crest of the entrance there was a sign that read "Earthly delights".

The front garden shown brilliant with dahlia's, roses, and a mixture of ornamental grasses all so abundant they seemed wild but as I set my foot on the gravel path it became evident that there was indeed an intricate plan that had been set forth. I walked with the sun on my back and the flowers beckoned me forward, teasing out my next step before I had completed the one previous. The color and texture of the garden worked a magic on my disposition that was more powerful than I could explain, of course, rationalizing like any good scientist, I conceded that my need for a respite was more pressing than I had realized and just being in new surroundings had undoubtedly lifted my mood.

Neville was hunched over in the distance, of course tending to some plants. It was all so serene, miles away from the war. Neville straightened, sensing that someone was approaching. I could tell he recognized me, he pulled off his gardening hat and gloves, leaving them discarded on the grass and broke into a light jog.

"Hermione! Wonderful to see you…" he kissed my cheek and grabbed my one small bag. The old shyness and uncertainty had receded and he was all gentle enthusiasm.

"Neville, this place is wonderful. I'm so happy for you."

He blushed a bit and I hid my smile…this was our old way of communicating, me trying to bolster and he getting flustered. I felt guilty at enjoying my position in our friendship but was truly happy that it was all just tradition, Neville had escaped his old life and he didn't need my help anymore.

He slowed his pace for me, now topping out at well over six feet.

"Come, let me show you around…or are you tired?"

"Oh no…I'd love to look around." I lied gracefully, not about wanting to look around but about being tired, I was in fact, exhausted.

We headed off to the greenhouses first, "Earthly Delights" for the public was an organic farm serving the local towns in California but cloaked from the muggle public was its true purpose, as a supply house of fine potions ingredients.

The five greenhouses lay just left of a beautifully restored Tudor estate. We past by those and instead headed for a tree stump which Neville tapped lightly with two fingers, then three. A glass door appeared that he held opened.

"After you" He smiled ruefully, enjoying my reaction to the magic.

I stepped inside, it was warm and moist, the scent of soil and exotic plants wafted past me propelled by ceiling fans. There was table after table laden with plants of all sizes, shape and color. I marveled at the orchids closest to me, their flower faces poised at odd angles.

"Neville, this is incredible…." Words failed me and all I could utter was, "I love it."

"Thanks Hermione." He stowed my things under a table and donned a lab coat. I watched him slip into his element and stupidly I almost started to cry. I was so happy for him but in my own way jealous. He was doing it, he was living his dream, in a beautiful peaceful place, surrounded by the things he loved…and where was I…stuck at Hogwarts, teaching first and second years the "art" or better the disaster of potion making, under the aegis of an overworked, war torn mentor who's only pleasure in life had been reduced to finding fault in his assistant and making Hufflepuff girls cry. Where did I go so wrong?

"Hermione?" Neville sounded concerned.

"Oh Neville, I'm sorry I was miles away." I walked over and stood on the other side, opposite him.

"Don't worry about Hogwarts, they can get along without you for a few days…I hope." He laughed softly.

"Yes…yes your right." I joined him and we both laughed, remembering the old days, each in our own way.

"What have you got there?" I looked down to where his hands rested on a deep tray filled with a yellow flowering plant.

Neville's brow drew in and in a much more serious tone he said, " Its latin name is Hypericum but you may have read about it at Hogwarts as the Fugum Demonum.

I translated, "The Devil's Scourge?...no, I don't think so…" My interest was piqued, Neville's knowledge was so extensive and he never hesitated to share.

"I learned about it from the muggles." He smiled. "We tend to chat when they come into help with the gardens, they're a very nice sort, some very knowledgeable." He turned the plant more towards the sun and lifted a bloom to give me a closer look.

"It's been in use forever, takes away depression, bad thoughts…calms the irrational mind. In the middle ages they used it as a cure for what they believed was possession but what was most probably mental illness or depression."

"I should bring some back for professor Snape, he could use a bit of cheering." I tried to laugh but it was too much of a raw truth.

Neville stared into my eyes, he was always good at sensing pain. "Is he giving you a lot of trouble?" He sounded concerned and surprisingly a bit angry.

"Oh Snape is Snape…its hard to be too harsh about him when I see him come back from Voldemort. I suppose we all need an outlet." I sounded pathetically resolved and I hated myself.

"Perhaps we can kill two birds with one stone then." Neville looked pensive.

"What?" I asked, feeling confused.

"I didn't want to bring this up immediately but I asked you here for a reason…wait here for minute, please." He turned and walked back to the end of the tables where there was some cabinets and a few cauldrons, he bent down and took out a small object and came back.

He presented me with a small clear container that appeared completely empty. I looked up to him for an explanation.

"I've been experimenting with the Devils scourge…I've got an idea."

I peered more closely into the container, sure that I must be missing something.

"You can't see it with the naked eye Hermione. I've concentrated and filtered it to such a degree that its well…for all purposes…it's invisible."

I peaked over the container. "Why would you want it to be invisible?" I queried, becoming more interested.

The idea came to me one week about 3 months ago, end of spring…I occasionally let some of the volunteer gardeners stay over in the guest rooms if they're getting a lot done and don't want to bother driving home. On one occasion a husband and wife were helping me with the early bean plantings, we do everything for the farm the muggle way so as not to raise suspicion in the neighborhood, well…anyway…Jon, the husband, I noticed had terrible bouts of sneezing and watery eyes, his wife Maria said it was seasonal allergies. I had run across this term many times in some of my muggle library books but hadn't seen it in action yet…It was pretty bad for him."

"Yes, Neville I know all about seasonal allergies, my mother suffers…she never would take the potions Poppy let me have for her…pity…would have cured her completely, but what does this have to do with the Devil's scourge and professor Snape?"

"Jon, my friend with the allergies took out some medicine, it was called an inhaler. I asked him about this method of dispensing, as we have nothing like it in the wizarding world." Hermione smiled, sometimes she would forget that Neville was very much a pureblood wizard.

"He looked at me a bit funny, probably thought it was a British thing that I didn't know about it and proceeded to explain to me how it worked and about other methods. When he told me they even have one that is breathed through the nose…I got an idea."

Hermione's eyebrows raised in confusion, still not catching on to where Neville was leading with all these elements.

Neville set down the invisible Devil's scourge and drew out a parchment containing a grid.

"I think we could defeat Voldemort by treating him like he has a mental illness."

Hermione blinked, not sure if she had heard correctly.

"Wait…you want to give Voldemort an antidepressant?"

"Yes…that's right…" Neville smiled up at her. " I think that if we gave him small doses of this refined and concentrated powder I've made it would render him less angry and vengeful, perhaps easier to defend ourselves or perhaps even…. Kill him." Neville shuddered at that last pronouncement, it was known among all the order members and their close friends that Neville was what could only be described as a pacifist. It frustrated Harry and Ron to no end that Neville didn't remain in the order after Hogwarts graduation, especially after what Voldemort had done to his parents.

Hermione reasoned with them that he had had enough and needed to get away, probably for his own sanity.

" But Neville it's not like he's human, how do we even know it would work on him and secondly how could we administer it without him knowing, he's like Dumbledore, he senses everything."

"Well….I've thought about that….Snape will have to do it."

"Professor Snape?"

"Yes….he's the only one that gets close enough to him…we'll have to apply the unseen powder to his deatheater robes, he'll have to try to get close to him and swish them around a bit, the powder will become airborne and Voldemort will breath it in." Neville looked expectantly at Hermione…waiting for the next question.

She thought for a moment…. "but if Voldemort breathes it in…won't Snape as well?"

Neville smirked ever so slightly, "…I'm afraid so…"

Hermione caught the subtle mischief around his eyes. "Neville, he will never agree." Hermione's mind was working out how he would react to being told about this plan and each scenario she saw herself getting a severe tongue lashing. She winced reflexively.

" I'm secluded here Hermione but I do know how desperate things are, everyone wants to feel free again…I wonder sometimes that Voldemort wouldn't welcome a change too." Neville laughed softly.

Hermione shook her head, his plan was so obtuse that it just might work…she needed to think on it more. It was very dangerous for Snape…this fact brought a churning to her stomach…what if Voldemort discovered the plan, realized he was being medicated? He would surely kill him. She swallowed back the bile that threatened to overcome her.

Neville spread out the parchment he had produced. "I've been self testing this Hermione and the effects have been significant. Now I'm a pure blood but Voldemort, at birth was a half-blood that may make a difference, but I think because how we have been raised, without the use of to many strong medicines these herbs are very potent, they seem to combine with our magical energy and produce a heightened effect. Since Voldemort has become supernatural in a way I think either it will have no effect on him or it will be drastic, I think it should be in small doses, to much to quick and he may catch on, but a slow incremental change, hopefully he will not notice.

Hermione's mind was reeling, not only could this be the answer that they have been searching for, but it could be totally bloodless, no loss of Harry or Snape. And Snape…what of him…a drastic change…less angry and vehement…it was all too much, the blood drained away from Hermione's mind, a gesture of self-preservation.

Neville caught her just in time. She opened her eyes and he was smiling down at her.

"Why are you smiling? I think I just fainted."

"Oh, I knew you'd be fine."

Hermione shook her head and didn't understand how he could know this but she shrugged his behavior off.

" There's an order meeting tomorrow night at Grimauld place, perhaps we should discuss this with Albus first and then you could present it at the meeting?"

Neville hesitated, " Well you see Hermione I'm not going to present it…you are."

"Me, but it's your idea Neville."

"But I can't leave, there's too much to do here…and your much better with…people than I am."

She realized that he meant Snape. How had she got elected to be the liaison between Snape and the rest of the world, even their colleagues would ask her to pass messages on to him for them, not wanting to incur his wrath over the intrusion.

She checked her watch and realized that if she was going to speak to Albus and possibly Minerva about the plan before the meeting tomorrow she'd probably have to leave now.

"Give me all your notes, the powder and this chart."

Neville knew by the flat tone of her voice she had agreed.


	2. A class by himself

_**AN: The world of Harry Potter and all its characters are owned by J.K. Rowling and her publishers. I don't plan on making any profit from this story, it's all in fun.**_

_**Thanks for the reviews. Someone inquired about how long I thought the story would be. I'm sorry but I'm not sure yet, hope that doesn't dissuade you from continuing to read and review.**_

_**Regards,**_

_**Indianpipe**_

_**Death in small doses**_

_**Chapter II**_

_**A class by himself**_

Neville had insisted I stay for lunch, after the fainting and apparating all that way he wouldn't take no for an answer. We talked about University and living in America, we ate food from his gardens and drank wine a friend of his had made. My body was relaxed but I could feel the pressure of the little container of Fugum Demonum in my blazer, it distracted me from our conversation and so when Neville put forth his question I was taken totally unawares.

"Why don't you come work for me when all this is over? It's a good life here and I'd love to have you."

I only heard clearly the "…love to have you" part. Was it possible that Neville had feelings for me? It's possible, he did ask me to the ball in 4th year, but that was so long ago and he seemed to have such a good time with Ginny, I always thought he fancied her secretly.

He probably just means that he thinks we would work well together and he's probably right. I secretly longed to work with someone who was kind and gentle, understanding, probably because I worked with Snape so closely. Uhh, he was so infuriating sometimes, always looking over my shoulder, evaluating, picking up on any tiny mistake I'd make, with Snape their was so little room for me to show what I could do…but here, I know Neville would give me free reign, I could work on research and have my pick of some of the finest potions ingredients in the world.

"Hermione you're not going to faint again?"

"No" I laughed.

My words spilled out and didn't match my thoughts.

"It sounds very attractive Neville but I'd feel that I was letting Hogwarts down if I leave anytime soon. Although Professor Snape is difficult he did accept me as an apprentice, under the condition that I would help him with his duties. I think that means I'm stuck there for a while."

Neville shook his head in understanding.

"You're very loyal Hermione, it's part of who you are but don't forget that you have to be true to yourself too…just give it some thought. I'm planning on being here for a very long time." He smiled down at me as he recorked the wine and made to clear up.

When had he gotten so…so…un-Neville like…?

I finished my last few drops of wine… " Thanks, I 'll think on it. I really have to go now if I want to present this to Dumbledore before the meeting." I patted my pocket that held the Fugum Demonum. "If we go ahead I'm presuming we'll need more?"

"Owl me after the meeting and I'll start on a new batch straight away." He handed me my things and kissed me lightly on the cheek. "It was wonderful to see you again Hermione, I'm sorry you have to do this alone but I just…..well, I just can't."

"I understand Neville." I nodded my head in recognition of all he had done and lost in the past, and I was truly happy that he had found a place for himself.

I apparated away from "Earthly Delights", uneasy about my future. I was frustrated, true, but I had never really seen myself anywhere but Hogwarts…now that I had another offer I wondered if everything would seem different.

It was quiet when I arrived home, the children would be back from vacation in a few days and there was much to be done. I headed straight for Dumbledore's office, hoping he was free and alone. I wanted his input before I presented to McGonagall and Snape.

Luck was not with me, when the doors opened it revealed Snape and Dumbledore having their usual Saturday sherry, it must have been later than I thought, Neville and I had lingered over lunch to long.

When I entered Snape almost got up from his seat, looking concerned, I was 2 days early and I could tell he wasn't expecting me to walk in.

Dumbledore put his sherry on the little table between them and stood up.

"Miss Granger, everything alright, we weren't expecting to see you until the order meeting tomorrow night?"

"Oh yes, everything's fine…not to worry."

Snape settled back in his chair, "Don't tell me Longbottom bored you after only one day?"

"Severus!" Dumbledore chided, it never did any good.

I flushed pink; this was going to be a nightmare.

I swallowed hard and Dumbledore conjured a chair beside Snape.

"Please Miss Granger, join us, won't you?" He pulled a glass of sherry out from his long sleeve and handed it to me. I took a sip out of politeness but told myself …no more… the wine at lunch had been quite enough.

"Tell us, how is Neville?" Dumbledore asked with genuine interest.

I caught Snape flutter his eyelids slightly in disgust.

"Neville is….happy."

"Very good…very, very good." Dumbledore seemed most gratified.

Snape could contain himself no longer, "well isn't that lovely for him."

This was possibly one of the few points that Harry and Snape agreed upon. They felt strongly that Neville had abandoned the Order and should be avenging his parents.

He took a long draft of Sherry and put his glass down on the table, rather to loudly.

"Now Severus, everyone must be allowed to make his own choices." Dumbledore tried to reason with him, but I cringed at his less than thoughtful choice of words. Making choices for oneself was never a good topic for Snape, he had paid a dear price for making the wrong choice early in life.

I could see he had been silenced effectively and I wondered if more thought had gone into the words Dumbledore had said than I gave him credit for.

This was my cue; I took a deep breath and withdrew the Fugum Demonum from my pocket. Snape was to busy quietly seething to notice but Dumbledore looked on inquisitively.

I began tentatively… " Actually, Neville has come up with an idea…"

Dumbledore must have known by my hesitancy that this was big for he looked more focused than I can ever remember. Snape had turned as well, one eyebrow raised in a mock look of interest.

I described the plan and explained the 'invisible powder', as well as who must execute it, both men were very quiet but I could feel Snape's energy building next to me. I thought I would perhaps move my chair away a few inches but after having told them I literally was paralyzed to the spot.

Snape spoke first and I squinted my eyes a bit, afraid that the words would sting the air.

"Let me see it!" He hated it when he wasn't familiar with something. He opened the lid carefully, and brought the container about 5 inches from his nose, with eyes closed he took a shallow whiff. Dumbledore and I glanced at each other, undoubtedly he was thinking the same as I; if he's investigating this, he might think it has some value as a plan.

I watched him closely, it truly was a wonder how he could detect ingredients by smell, surely many potion masters and experts could discern the main ingredients but Snape could detect many more, that skill alone put him in a class by himself.

He closed the lid and handed it back to me.

"I'm not registering the ingredients." Dumbledore and I both knew the significance of that statement. "But the Dark Lord has a heightened sense like no other…the only hope is that by the time he detects it the effects will have taken hold to a degree that he is more…malleable."

I was shocked that Snape would even accept the idea as possibility. I had to bring up the inevitable question, although I was sure Snape was well aware.

"You undoubtedly would be affected as well." I looked into his eyes, trying to register any truth; it was so hard to decipher how he really felt about anything.

"And I'm sure you and Mr. Longbottom had a jovial afternoon at my expense over that fact!" He grabbed the container back from me and made to leave. " I'm taking this to the lab to run tests…I don't relish the thought of leaving my mental state in Longbottom's hands." He stormed to the door, robes whipping like a flag on a windy day. I conjured an image of one of the original American flags I'd seen in a book recently when I had known I was to be visiting Neville, it had a serpent on it and embroidered below was the phrase '…don't tread on me…'.

I looked at Dumbledore, he was in grave thought. I knew he didn't like this idea, it was an offensive maneuver and that wasn't how he liked to operate.

" I had to tell you… something needs to be done." My offering sounded as though we were addressing as simple a problem as a child breaking a minor rule one to many times and we had been neglectful, but Tom was no child and this seemed the only way to do it without a bloodbath.

"I know…if we go through with this I'm most concerned about Severus. If it doesn't work it could cost him his life." He hadn't said anything I wasn't thinking but to hear it from the headmaster made feel weak. I reached for my sherry and took another sip anyway. "…If it does work it could be even more devastating for him." Dumbledore's eyes narrowed and his tone almost sounded chastising.

Now that last part I hadn't expected. I rested back, sherry half gone and tried to puzzle out what he meant. Wouldn't Snape benefit? Perhaps he would enjoy life a bit, especially if we could defeat Voldemort. I had convinced myself of that before I had told him but now Dumbledore's words made me think that theory had been actually for my benefit instead.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and the characters it contains are not mine. This story is just for fun and no profit will be derived.

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.

Occluding oneself 

I made my way down to the dungeon after supper, Snape hadn't shown up and I thought it was time to see what he had found from his own experimentation on the Fugum Demonum.

The hallways were quiet, and I felt a sense of dread following the familiar path towards the lab room, the stone floor scraped under my shoes, almost warning me off my direction. I wanted to turn around, let Dumbledore handle him, but my body kept me moving forward and for the second time today I was at odds with myself.

The lab table was in a disarray, jars three rows deep to the right and two cauldrons to the left. Snape was nowhere to be seen but I knew he was somewhere here, he would never leave a brew unattended for fear of a student wandering about or some other mishap. He emerged from the storeroom with an ancient looking text flipped open.

"So glad you decided to join me down here, thought you might get a bit of work done?" His tone was sarcastic but it was fused with more anger than usual and I suspected he had found Neville's concoction adequate.

"You missed dinner."

He was seated at the table with the book open, he was reading intently but I knew he had heard me.

"I wanted to know what your thoughts were on all this?" I tried to sound like I was talking to a normal person but of course it sounded strange.

He looked up, relishing my mistake . "All this..," he motioned to the cauldron and jars upon the tabletop. " I think it is the most desperate plan anyone has ever come up with, born out of gross naiveté…….and that is why it may work." He literally deflated upon the admission and for a split second I thought I might have to run to his side, instead he slumped in his chair.

His voice lowered and he stared through me, "Three scenarios is what I see; Voldemort may recognize something immediately, in which case we have lost our inside contact." He said it so matter of factly it stung my heart, "…he may not notice but may not be effected, leaving me at a disadvantage…possibly unable to occlude my mind properly from him…" he pinched the bridge of his nose, "…and lastly he may be effected to such a degree that we could lure him into a trap in order to kill him." He didn't look satisfied with any of the scenarios he had set forth.

He flicked his eyes up to meet mine. "Longbottom knows we'll use this in order to kill him?"

"Oh yes, he knows."

Snape laughed at the irony. " I know now there is a God."

"Are you alright with this…" I couldn't stop thinking about the Occluding, unbelievable mental focus was needed for it and I knew that it was the only way Snape maintained his double life around Voldemort, nothing could slip past, not one warm conversation, one friendly gesture, one order meeting or he would be dead.

He was making his way back to the storeroom with the text… " It's not up to me…is it?"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I stayed and brewed for a while, McGonagall needed her digestive potion and Dumbledore was low on tooth powder, without which he would have lost all his teeth by now with the way he consumed candy. Snape refused to brew the potion for him any longer, …on principal he said, " if he wants to rot his teeth in his head, so be it, but I'll not be a party to it any longer." Of course this was only said in my presence. I know it was just a way of getting me to pick up the slack on all those annoying little personal potions that he didn't have time for, I obliged without argument. In hindsight that may have been my first mistake in dealing with Snape, having to much understanding of his stress and needs had deposited me in the position of go-between. More and more I was becoming the membrane through which all things passed through to him and unfortunately also passed out as well.

Snape scurried about the room checking texts and flipping through notebooks, he was obsessive in his research but I could tell by his decisiveness that he wasn't following any muggle scientific method, he was convinced before his evidence was in and all that was left now was approval from the order and executing the plot, his present flourishing was just habit.

My mind wandered back to Earthly Delights and Neville's job offer. Would we work together as well as I think we would? I stirred the cauldron and tried to stay clear of where Snape was pacing like a prowling lion, lost in thought. What would he do without me?…the 'membrane'... I laughed softly at this knowing full well that Snape was a survivor and he would go on, as he had before, with or without me.

" I fail to see the humor in tooth powder? Or is the thought of me being effected by the Fugum Demonum entertaining you Granger?" Snape beared down on me with his eyes.

"No professor, I was just thinking of something that happened on my trip." I lied to cover up.

He stared at me incredulously for a few seconds, looking almost wounded, " Well I'm happy that Longbottom was such scintillating company for you. Please remember not to invite me to the wedding." And he gave a false shudder at the thought.

It was times like these that I could see so clearly why Snape had made the mistakes he had, he could be so juvenile the way he jumped to conclusions. His assumption made my blood boil and before I could stop myself words tumbled out,

"There will be nothing of the sort, my life is here now and Hogwarts…even for all its problems…" I faced him squarely, shaking a bit from my own vehemence.. "…this is my home." I tapped my wand upon the table and the flame beneath my cauldron extinguished. Whether it was the shaking, I had scared myself, or the finality of my tone Snape dropped his comments, shuffling off to prepare for the Order meeting.

Dumbledore and McGonagall had left immediately after supper for Grimmauld place expecting Snape and I to follow later. I had cleaned up the lab, bottled the potions and was just jotting down some points about our plan when Snape emerged from his separate apartment.

"It's time Miss Granger." He motioned to the door, I grabbed my cloak and did my best to keep up with my reluctant mentor.

We rarely spoke when out and about together, only for he to instruct me, if on a jaunt to the apothecary or for him to give orders or assignments so I was taken aback when he pulled me into the shadows near the front gates. We were at the apparition point but he pulled me off the spot and pressed me against the stone gate, I could feel the cold seeping quickly through my cloak, he loomed above me taller than usual for the ground upon which we stood was uneven, his face half shrouded by hair and the night evoked an eerie quality that others had attributed to him but I had never recognized until now for myself.

" Miss Granger…" He spoke deep and soft, " I pray that you will not fall to sentimentality tonight over my welfare…I fear that others may try to block this undertaking but I …well, it maybe our only hope…Tom is growing stronger everyday and…I don't know…." He fell quiet for a moment during which I held my breath. "…and I'm not confident Harry will be enough to defeat him."

The hold he had on my arm loosened but did not fall and this small connection channeled all the emotion that he was feeling, it burned I thought as the dark mark must burn and in that moment I knew that he was just as desperate as the situation.

Somehow I found my voice, it was low to match his own... " I will not desert you…" It was all I could manage but he seemed satisfied and let my arm go. He straightened himself, shaking his hair back and disaparated with a pop.

I leaned into the cold stones, now welcoming their chill against my back. I was overheated by the exchange and needed a moment to gain my balance. I had never heard Snape speak so, without venom or censure but instead with passion and honesty. He had spoken of sentimentality and I knew he meant Molly and McGonagall, he was worried that they would believe it too risky an undertaking, possibly argue that we could lose our best spy, but all the while trying to save Severus' life lest something should go wrong.

Something had to be done and as much as I didn't want him to get killed I wanted him to have hope, for tonight, in the shadows I saw the hope draining out of him like Harry saw Sirius' soul begin to escape through his mouth. The fight, the tenacity, the cruelty, the bitterness all signs of hope had deserted him for an instance and he wrestled to regain it before he left. My mind and emotions were a jumble but time would not wait for me to regain composure and so I apparated to the meeting.


	4. Many faces

Disclaimer: J.K Rowling and publishers owns the world of Harry Potter. I'm just having fun with the characters and setting and am not seeking financial gain.

**AN**: Wow **Duj**: I'm sorry you feel that way about my writing, I always feel sort of honored when you take the time to critique, I was pretty bummed. I hope you stick around past chapter 3 and give me a chance to develop the story before you label me again. I'll keep in mind what you said but remember when a story is HGSS there will probably be some sort of build up to romance Sincerely, an old fan of your work, Indianpipe.

Many faces 

I apparated and walked to number 12, Remus answered and smiled reassuringly.

"Hermione, we were starting to worry?"

I unwrapped my cloak and looked up at him, grey hair overwhelmed the mousy brown but his eyes retained a youthful glint that belied his true nature. His comment snapped me to attention and as he hung up my cloak I crossed him in the hallway, trying to see who was in the living room.

"I didn't think I was that far behind Professor Snape?"

"Severus is coming too? I thought we were just waiting on you?"

I turned, confused, "You mean he's not here yet, he apparated just a few moments ahead of me?"

Remus took in my words and paused in the gloom of the hallway.

"Hang on…I'll fetch Dumbledore."

Where could he be, I thought…the dark mark…again?

"Hermione…" Harry had turned the corner, laden with a tray holding a pot of tea and cups, Mrs. Weasley often chided him about doing to many household chores the muggle way when magic could make them so much easier. Ron and I knew it was a habit, or rather a neuroses from childhood but we didn't tell Mrs. Weasley, Harry wouldn't have wanted us to, he kept that part of himself hidden.

"Harry…here let me help" We brought the tray into the living room, everyone else presumably was in the kitchen, probably having dessert and coffee.

Once his task complete Harry turned to me, "Mione, it's something big isn't it? I mean that's why there are so many of us here…I can feel it."

Over the last few years Harry had been able to sense certain things, whether he had always had this power we don't know but now more often than not he confided in me about it. It didn't seem like a prescience, more of a sense of impending emotion, like tonight he was probably picking up on Dumbledore's anxious feelings about the Fugum Demonum and I was probably rife with charged energy. He looked deep into my eyes, searching for answers.

"You know don't you?" He half accused half pleaded for a confession.

"Oh stop…"I had trouble denying him.. "Ughh…yes there is something up…oh well you'll hear soon enough…it's Neville, he has developed a potion to help control Voldemort."

"Help Control Voldemort?, You make him sound like a bloody weed in the garden." Ron had come up behind me from the hallway and I could tell by his tone he was feeling solicitous, which usually means everything I say gets shot down.

"You say Neville has made a potion to subdue the Dark Lord." Harry's eyebrows had not reached such heights since first year.

"Well its actually a powder…invisible, that is and it has properties that may…overtime change his personality…enough so that we could…well…I suppose make it easier for Harry to defeat him." There I said it, let Ron rip it to shreds all he liked. I peered over towards Harry, his head was down, he didn't like to discuss the prophecy specifically, I think he maintained balance by deluding himself that we were all just fighting this war together and muddling through, he was aware of his destiny but to get through every day I think it was too overwhelming to dwell on.

"How the heck are we going to get Voldemort to take an invisible powder? Wait hang on…maybe my mother…if she could get Fred and George to take cough syrup when they were 5 she's your man." Ron stretched out on the couch, nodding his head in agreement with his own joke.

"I'm afraid your mother isn't our man…"

"No, I am." Snape came out from behind a shadowy corner where he had been reading, presumably waiting for the meeting to begin and not letting anyone know he had arrived already.

I jumped back as he came away from the wall and knew he must have been using some sort of concealment charm.

"I see we are not going for a surprise?" Snape inclined his head toward me. I was sure now that he had been hiding in the corner, spying on us.

Harry looked to me in confusion. " But how…when?"

I sat down on the worn green couch and reached for the tea, motioned to Harry as to whether he wanted any, he nodded his assent and I was about to begin from the beginning when Snape interrupted.

"The descriptive details I can not bear twice." He put up a hand to silence me and he strode purposefully toward the kitchen. Harry and I sipped our tea in awkward silence.

"Who does he think he is…Hermione I don't know how you stand to be with him so much?" Ron swaggered over and poured himself a cup of tea. "He's opinionated, rude and it seems that he always shoots everything you do to shreds."

"Hmm…" was my reply and when I caught Harry's eye I could tell he was on to my joke as well. We gave each other a knowing smile. I loved Harry because for all his faithfulness to his friends he always knew their shortcomings and seemed to love them even more for it.

"Really Molly your rhubarb crumble never ceases to amaze." Dumbledore emerged first out of the kitchen holding onto Mrs. Weasley's arm. Then came; Remus, Tonks behind him, smirking about some little comment they had shared no doubt, McGonagall, Shaklebolt, Hestia Jones, Mundungus…I was getting a sick feeling in my stomach as each order member emerged, I had forgotten what a crowd there was when we had full attendance at a meeting, no wonder Harry knew something was up.

Dumbledore took the seat closest to the fireplace and everyone else situated in either a conjured chair or found a comfortable spot on the floor. I was starting to freeze up as I looked at the group assembled, we were all becoming old friends and the casual way in which we were seated around the room, teapot on the table, low fire taking off the chill of an aged summer evening made the task before me even more unpleasant..

"As always I wish to thank each and every one of you for coming, it may seem a small token but without all of you what we hold precious could be already gone." Dumbledore sat back a moment and let that sink in…no matter how many times he began a meeting with this opening there was silence after he finished.

"We have a serious matter…or rather proposal to discuss this evening. One of our former students has devised a plan that would aid Harry and everyone else in possibly subduing Voldemort …when the time is right." Dumbledore looked over to me, my heart pounded. "Miss Granger and Professor Snape can explain the entire plan better than I."

He motioned to me and as he did Snape came round to stand behind Albus

I took a sip of my tea with shaking hands.

"For what I thought was to be a holiday I went to visit Neville Longbottom at his new

…I suppose for lack of a better word…farm." Everyone nodded in approval and looked eager to hear how Neville was getting on, many had heard about the mark he was making for himself as an ingredients supplier but no one had visited him. America wasn't a topic we discussed much in the English wizarding world, it seemed a place to big, a bit unruly, always at odds with itself, the older members like McGonagall and Professor Sprout would sometimes joke about the Americans, alluding to what they perceived a boorish nature.

"Neville has a plan to subdue Voldemort." I cut to the point in an effort to bring the attention back to the subject. Snape was impassive, making no effort to help me convey the plot. I suppose he assumed that having to take part in it excused him from these minor details. The last sentence had sent the room abuzz.

I waited patiently while everyone looked and remarked to each other. "It's an invisible powder that when inhaled will…well we hope…will slowly make Voldemort more…", here I was floundering, it will never work, I 'm not sure what it will do to him, my hands started to shake and I put my teacup down…I looked to Snape and what had seemed possibility before now felt to me like a cruel joke. Harry reached over and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Hermione…are you alright?" he bent his head to see my face but I couldn't look at him, I was ashamed of what I had to say.

Snape came around from behind Dumbledore's chair and stood in the middle of the parlor, he withdrew a vial from his cloak and held it high above his head.

"The powder is invisible, It will be applied to my deatheater robes and I will position myself near him. When I have the opportunity I will move in such a way that the powder becomes airborne." He gave the vial to Hestia Jones for inspection and glanced over to me.

Whether he knew why I had been unable to go on or not he looked put out, I had afterall promised not to desert him. I shrugged off Harry's shoulder and stood up as well.

"Fugum Demonum, the devil's scourge. Professor Snape has tested to see if he could detect its presence by sense and was unable, there is promise that with proper dosing Voldemort won't suspect." My expression was nonchalant but I knew the questions were going to start flying in a few seconds.

Snape anticipated them as well and began mounting a defense before the onslaught.

"The Dark Lord has been most preoccupied with Harry of late and his rage distracts him from details. His senses are acute but the powder is of such a quality that it may pass by him undetected." He finished with a flourish of his robes and walked to the back of the room. I could just imagine the powder flying from the cloth and hanging like a cloud over Voldemort's head.

Molly was first, I knew she would be and that was most probably the root of my shame earlier when trying to explain.

"Seems a very risky thing to me…and surely Severus you'll be effected too… why you may give yourself away?" Molly looked teary, Arthur put his arm around her. "Yes Severus…this is asking to much I think." Arthur addressed Snape but looked to Dumbledore.

Snape took a deep breath, he was checking his inclination to demand his own way, he had only one soft spot and I had figured out it was Molly. He never did much to show this, he barely even spoke to her but I could tell by the way he controlled his temper around her that deference was being made. Why, I had not the slimmest notion but I felt there was a feeling there that effected him, perhaps without him even knowing.

"As Miss Granger has relayed, the dosing would be slow and if I felt myself in to much danger we would abort, naturally."

Remus shifted in his chair near the window, "…but how will you yourself know how much danger you are in if your faculties are impaired, you could delude yourself into thinking everything is fine. I don't have much experience with these kinds of potions but they have been offered to me in the past…" Remus blushed slightly, reticent about drawing attention to his darker side. "…I believe the goal is to calm, reassure oneself…don't worry, everything will be fine…and all that." Remus looked to Snape and Snape showed his disdain.

Remus had hit the nail, not only was this the crucial question but it spoke to trust which always infuriated Snape, for he had struggled half a lifetime to gain trust.

I knew he was taking Remus' concerns the wrong way, I could see the shame rising from his chest, he was red hot with the false notion that even while he carried out his most dangerous task yet, his motives would be called into question. I sunk back onto the couch, heart heavy with the knowledge that the cruelty he showed towards others was nothing compared to the disgust he had for himself.

McGonagall had thus far been silent, "We don't know if you will be able to occlude under the influence of such a substance…I don't know that we could afford the loss of information."

She was sounding rational but I knew she was worried about him, about how he would react to the drug and how it would change him, they had been colleagues for many years and although they maintained their clichéd rivalry there was an understanding, a respect and as seldom as he entered into such places a friendship too.

Harry pushed up his glasses, he had been cleaning them while listening. His voice was low but certain, " I think it has merit and if Professor Snape agrees to the risk I think we have a chance of ending this war. As he said, we can monitor him to be sure he's not endangering himself and if we succeed he will be free."

Dumbledore leaned forward with a gesture of intimacy but spoke to us all, "…concern takes on many faces?"

I saw Snape edging into the corner shadows once more, he must believe that Harry's opinion had sealed the approval of the Order.

Dumbledore took a quick vote and the show of hands agreed with my supposition, even Molly had acquiesced but I could see her worry lines.

It was decided that Snape and I would plan how much of the powder would be applied to the robes each time and at what rate we would increase. I knew of some muggle texts that could help and volunteered to go to London the next day to buy them. That evening we would prepare a separate set of deatheater robes for the application, so Snape had one set that was clean of residue.

If he was not called by the dark mark before this the very next time would be the first chance to try the Fugum.

The meeting broke up and Snape left abruptly. Molly and Arthur sat with McGonagall and Dumbledore by the fire chatting and I found my way over to where Remus and Tonks were near the window.

There was an awkward silence before Tonks broke in, "So how's Neville doing?"

"Doing really well. He has a beautiful place there…" I sounded over enthused.

"It's a shame you couldn't have stayed longer, from what Dumbledore told me you were only on holiday for one day?" Remus shook his head.

He knew how difficult my position at Hogwarts had become, he himself had to use me as a go-between on school business with Severus on occasion, Snape simply refused to have normal conversations with him ever since he returned and Dumbledore gave him the Defence Against the Dark Arts position back.

"Surely all this could have waited a few days while you had your rest." Tonks smiled at Remus, it was so obvious how much she respected his kindness.

"Well I did have one fantastic lunch and a great glass of wine…" I didn't want to seem pathetic so I blurted out about Neville's offer, "…and a very nice job offer."

Tonks' turned, piqued by the information, "…really?"

"Yes, he said I would be welcome anytime." I looked at Remus and he looked surprised.

"Are you considering it seriously."

"Of course she should consider it seriously, I've heard wonderful things about the quality of his ingredients, it could be a great opportunity for her." Tonks wanted what was best for me and naturally assumed happiness should be a major part of the formula.

"I don't think now is the time to consider something away from Hogwarts but maybe in the future…" I replied.

"Does Severus know?" Remus looked as if he surprised himself with the question.

"Why should he know? It doesn't seem he concerns himself with Hermione's well being." Tonks sounded as though she had wanted to say that for a long while and finally had found a spot to squeeze it in.

Remus sat back in his chair and almost under his breath said, "I'm not so sure of that."

Before I could think to long on Remus' comment Harry walked over,

"How about I go with you to London tomorrow, I think I have the day off…"He turned to Tonks, "…is that right boss?"

"Yes underling…" They laughed, Harry was apprenticing in Tonks' department at the Ministry. He had chosen to become an Auror and they had accepted him in the program with open arms.

The meeting broke up about nine o'clock and Dumbledore, McGonagall and myself apparated back to Hogwarts, Remus wouldn't be back until Sunday evening for dinner, he and Tonks had taken to spending their weekends together, when she wasn't working. Harry had offered it to Remus as a place to stay, away from Hogwarts to recuperate each month. The wolfsbane that Snape and I prepared for him kept the wolf away but wasn't without its side effects. I had recently been exploring and researching a storable pill form of the wolfsbane, sort of a time release capsule, so popular in the muggle world. I thought it might be less harsh on his system if it could be taken before and after the full moon, with the properties that quelled the beast within him to come out gradually. It seemed drinking that full goblet of the potion made him unbelievably nauseas and fatigued for days afterward, a physical and emotional upheaval on your system every month would make the strongest person weary. Now more than ever I knew I had to find a better way for him, he had so much to live for, Tonks loved him, it was so obvious and he was allowing himself to become close to her, a big step for him.

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Sunday morning brought a crisp chill and with it the portent of Autumn. Harry met me down at the Gates and we apparated together to London. He wore muggle clothes and he looked very comfortable amongst his half brothers. Harry and I always had a special friendship, probably because we were of the few at Hogwarts that had been raised in exclusive Muggle homes. We could slip back into these surroundings like we had never left. It was a different mindset to be sure, less mysteries, more difficult in many ways, I felt a pull in both directions and probably would my whole life, living a muggle life was messy and inconvenient but it was completely individual, the wizarding world always has an overarching sense of destiny, it's the magic, sometimes its wondrous and liberating but sometimes it fills me with dread that I am not somehow the only thing in control of what I do, there is an energy greater than myself and the best I can do is learn to control it and use it to my best advantage. I guess the muggles try to do this as well with science, medicine, there magic is nature, the difference is they always seem to be battling against it and the wizards have come to use it as an ally.

The bookstore I had in mind was a short walk from the apparition point but we had only thin muggle sweatshirts and the breeze quickened our pace. Once inside I headed for where the pharmacology section might be and started scanning. Harry tagged along, pausing longingly at the sports section.

"I wonder how the Gryffindor team will fare this year. Is Snape still going to referee? I can't believe he agreed last year?"

"Dumbledore, I think had a hand in that, it was more than just that Madame Hooch was to busy, I think it was a plan to get him out of the castle and interacting with people."

"Yeah, OK." Harry laughed at my analysis, not to much interested about the why but more about whether he would be fair to the Gryffindors.

"You'll have to come to a match, it's quite a sight, he's still very quick and frighteningly fair." I thought about this for a moment and had never really considered what a personal risk it was for him to be simply fair at a Quidditch match. I knew he was always at risk of being discovered but hadn't thought it extended to this arena as well. I secretly think he enjoyed the job even though he complained to Dumbledore every chance he could get.

"I'd love to come, let me know when they plan to have the first match."

I found the book I was looking for and after a quick lunch decided I had better be getting back. The students were due back tomorrow afternoon and there was much to be done. We never knew when Snape was going to feel the dark mark, in the last few months it was averaging about once every two weeks. He was due soon for a meeting, I just hope we can get the amount correct.

The dungeons retained their coolness, but what was so welcomed in the heat of the summer made you long for another Mrs. Weasley sweater in the fall. Snape had a small fire on in the lab room, an unusual luxury, I positioned myself in front of it warming my hands and waiting for him to emerge from his quarters.

"Granger, I didn't hear you come in." He was carrying black robes and his deatheater mask in his hands, he dropped the hand with the mask to his side, effectively taking it out of my view. I had only seen it a few times before and then as it did now sent a chill down my back. It was a distorted white face that had seen death and torture. For now it was only a disguise but in the not so distant past it was his uniform.

He laid the robes on the lab table and then took the mask to a cabinet on the far wall and chucked it inside. I kept my eyes on the fire, not letting on that I had seen it from the beginning.

"Have you found anything in your muggle books?" He was sarcastic to be sure but Snape was undeniably curious about muggle Science and more than once I had found a text moved to a different spot when I knew that I had left it on the table the day before.

Drawing myself away from the fire I flipped through the pharmacology text to the pages I had marked.

"Here it gives the proper dosages by weight for several muggle antidepressants, which is similar to the Fugum Demonum. I do think we should add more as this will not be an exact science as to how much he will breath in or even how much will come off your robes." I could tell he was not listening to me but rather had his brows furrowed in confusion.

"They call this an antidepressant?" He looked doubtful now about its effectiveness.

"Yes,…it's not only for depressed people, although many violent and angry people are clinically depressed."

"And so they take these 'antidepressants' and magically they are not depressed or angry anymore?

"Well in some cases yes, it works on their brain chemistry."

"It sounds to me that they are still depressed and angry but they are either to confused to follow through on their anger or their face is transformed into a permanent grimace."

He was scared and it was all coming out now. "Perhaps that is the case but at least their not hurting anyone or themselves." I tried to stay rational but he was making me nervous.

"Instead of controlling one's environment with rage you begin to see things rationally, in perspective." I was appealing to his scientific side.

"So there is a benchmark we are striving for, a secret formula of just the right amounts of control, anger, happiness, joy…sadness.?"

"Well…I suppose." He was making me feel uncomfortable and his questions pecked at my ethics.

"So, say a somewhat normal person, not the dark lord, would be considered cured of this depression, When?"

"Well, when he was able to function in society normally, and he felt good about his life."

"I see, and once this so called normal person, that feels good about his life, stops taking this medication he goes back to being the same poor bloke they started with?"

"Well, yes I suppose…"

"Interesting, insidious really, the muggles don't have magic but they do cast spells."

He had hit upon what I was thinking of today in the bookstore.

"Tell me Granger has our benefactor, Mr. Longbottom, had first hand experience with our invisible medication?"

"Yes, I told you he self tested it."

"And was he under the influence while you were having your meeting?"

I hadn't thought of that until now. A flashback of that day pulled me away from our conversation. I was remembering when I had fainted, probably due to the long apparition to America and not eating enough breakfast but what gnawed at me was the expression on his face when I came to, he was so calm for having just caught someone from falling to the floor, that was definitely not the old Neville, not the Neville that saved my life in the Department of Mysteries, not the Neville that shook from fear of his Granny and Snape. I had attributed the change to maturity but now that I thought back his calmness had an eerie quality.

"Miss Granger?!"

"Oh I was just remembering when I fainted the other day " I was still half lost in thought and hadn't meant to tell Snape.

"You fainted! Why? Did you fall?!"

The tone of his questions brought me out of my thoughts and I looked at him curiously.

"No, no I was fine, to long of an apparition, no breakfast, nothing really…but now that you mention it Neville did seem too calm about the whole thing, like he knew that I would be alright…and I can't help thinking now…what if I wasn't."

"Indeed." Snape was quiet after that as if he had set out to make a point and once he had was a bit sorry it had been brought out in the open, once said there now was a possibility that he to might become 'calm'.

We were both getting overwhelmed by what if's, so I took up a quill and worked some calculations, guessing at Voldemort's weight, and offsetting the amount lost to the atmosphere and to Snape's own breathing and anyone else who may inhale a few grains.

I showed him my number and he agreed.

We applied much under the hood as this spot would be protected before we wished the Fugum to fly and once he raised the hood he could shake it in Voldemort's direction. We also applied to the shoulders and back portion. We then placed the robes in a cloth casing to protect them from the elements until it was time to be used. I had an idea to speak with  
Flitwick about a charm to help make the powder stick until Snape was close to the meeting point at which time he could lift the charm.

We had cleared the table and I was going to bring up the topic of the wolfsbane pill when Dumbledore walked into the lab.

"Miss Granger, Severus…I see you are just finishing up. I don't want to keep you from your beds but I have something that may be helpful with our little plan."

He pulled from his sleeve a wand. "It's a portkey, Fred and George had the idea actually, they were going to sell them at the shop but came to me first thinking they might have application in the war. I know we have thought of portkeys for you to take before when you had to go to Voldemort but then we felt it was to dangerous and that he might pick up on the magic in them but a wand as a portkey is a brilliant idea, they have magical energy anyway and won't be suspected as anything else."

Snape took the offered wand and ran his fingers along it, inspecting it, "Won't it seem a bit strange if I am searched and found with two wands." His eyes never left the wand.

"Here is where I have added to the idea, it is a real wand as well and you only need to press the ends between your palms to make the change."

Snape 's hand went slightly limp that was holding the wand and he looked incredulous, "You want me to march into a deatheater meeting soaked in a potion made by Longbottom with only a wand from the Weasley twins joke shop to protect me?"

Dumbledore laughed outright, "Now Severus, I assure you the wand works in everyway like your own."

"Yes but it is not my own, I don't know it like my own,"

"With a bit of practice I'm sure you'll adjust and we will have some piece of mind that you can get away if you are detected."

"Yes…I wouldn't want any of you to be put out."

Snape definitely had a point, I should feel lost without my wand. I wondered how Dumbledore was even sure Snape could work the wand, sometime matching the wand to the person was a tricky business.

"Why don't you try it out and see?"

Snape grasped the wand firmly and pointed it over Albus shoulder, " aloha amorha", the cabinet unlocked instantly.

"You see my boy, it works beautifully."

Snape mumbled, "…an easy spell yes.,..but battle."

"Well, keep it, try it out, if you don't like don't use it…but it could save your life."

Dumbledore bade us goodnight and retired. Snape dropped the wand on the table.

I didn't think now was a good time to discuss my research project so I excused myself and made for the door, but before I left I heard a strangled moan behind me. I turned and Snape was doubled over, holding his left arm. It was time, I ran to get the robes. We gathered his things in silence. He'd have to change outside the gates, then apparate.

"Please take the wand, at least tonight, it's the first time, we've know idea if he'll notice?"

He stopped at the door, cradling his arm, irritated that I was interrupting his progress.

"Very well." He handed me his and I handed him the portkey.

"Protect it for me!" I promised him I would and then he was gone.

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**AN**: The storable wolfsbane pill was an idea Hermione was working on in my completed story: "Resolution".

Hope you enjoy and remember don't forget to review. Thanks, Indianpipe

I


	5. The hat sees through us all

Disclaimer: Not mine, not making any money, don't plan to ever.

AN: Forgot to mention HBP never happened

**The hat sees through us all.**

The night was cool but the change of season had not stolen the evening light, the apparition point was just a few yards from the meeting in the Northern woods, he never knew where the meetings would be until he arrived at the spot, blind apparition was yet another way of Voldemort to control the deatheaters, keeping them guessing and fearful.

He could see the bonfire burning just ahead with cloaked figures milling about, this was the perfect venue to test out the powder, outside, less suspicious and with more sensory distractions and scents for the Dark Lord.

He fit his mask in place but left the hood down, wanting to be close by when he raised the cloth over his head, effectively giving Voldemort his first dose.

Everyone was assembling and he could tell by the relative heights who was present. Lucius was just to Voldemort's left with Knot, Crabbe and Goyle next to him. Lucius posed the biggest threat, he had over the past few months been in confidence with the Dark Lord each time Severus had apparated to a meeting, he didn't know if the Dark Lord had singled him out for interview or if Lucius was just trying to ingratiate himself.

Snape worried that Lucius had taken his occasional suspicion of his motives to the Dark Lord.

Snape took his place at Voldemort's right side, for now their Lord and Master was silent, gathering energy no doubt to hex one of them for not carrying out some deed to perfection. Fortunately, he had forgotten about Snape for a while, placated by enough misinformation about Dumbledore's actions to restrain himself from using the Crucio.

In that moment of silence before the meeting began, while each deatheater silently prayed that they would not meet the wrath of the monster before them Severus adjusted his hood, shaking it out and turning ever so slightly with his back to Tom. He was careful to occlude his mind, replacing all thoughts of the plan with past memories of class events. He chose one in particular, Neville blowing up his cauldron while trying to create the draft of living death. He bore down on the boy with his full wrath, he let the memory over take every rational thought.

"Snape!" Severus opened his eyes, his expression shielded by the grotesque mask. "…you have hatred in your heart when thinking of Hogwarts…that should be a model for us all. The old man thinks himself better than us but soon he will be begging for mercy at my feet." Voldemort broke the circle and started to walk around, as if inspecting each one of his allies.

"Crabbe I presume you have information for us from the Ministry, I have grown most impatient by your tiresome pace?"

Snape's ears pricked up, Crabbe was gathering information at the Ministry? His job was a pure lackey appointment working for the undersecretary of the Department of Magical Creatures.

"The contact I have at the Ministry was unable to meet me last night, an urgent meeting of some kind made it impossible."

"I see…perhaps you have given us information none the less." With this statement Voldemort raised his hands and shouted Crucio…Crabbe fell in a heap at his feet, his comrades all to afraid to flinch in sympathy. "Let that be a lesson to you on broken appointments."

Crabbe writhed in twisted anguish and Lucius eyes, sunk as they were in his own mask, sparkled with a gleam of satisfaction.

"Snape I want you to question Dumbledore about any meetings he may have had recently, I know those teachers must be organizing themselves…I will be very displeased if they are having meetings and I have not been made aware." He turned and came within inches of Snape's mask.

Severus, conveying his hard-fought look of disdain took the opportunity to move slightly as if shrugging, hoping that more of the powder would be delivered, "…I am with the staff everyday if they are plotting something I will soon find out…Veritiserum may be in order." He knew Voldemort relished the idea that Snape would slip one of the staff a truth potion and then speak to them nonchalantly, extracting any secrets they may hold.

"Excellent, soon we will make our final move and no one will stand in our way." Snape nodded in deference to the Lord's threats and Voldemort, for the moment was pleased.

The meeting concluded, no one made a motion to aid Crabbe, it would have been seen as high treason so they sidestepped him and one by one apparated back to their normal lives.

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I tucked Snapes wand deep into the folds of my robes, and drew a chair up close to the fire in the lab room, sleep was out of the question I was too worried how the first attempt had gone. I was happy that he had taken the portkey wand, he was a powerful wizard but no match for all the deatheaters and Voldemort if he was exposed…yes, retreat would be the best way.

It was close to 1 in the morning when I heard the door swing open.

He held his robes over his arm and mask hidden underneath them. He looked exhausted but he was unharmed and I sighed in relief.

He threw everything in the cupboard and turned to me,

"He never noticed…but he was trying to read my thoughts…I fear that will be our greatest stumbling block."

He seemed distracted and crossed the room to the fireplace; he threw a pinch of powder in and called for Dumbledore. " He told him he would be up to his office in a few moments and that he needed to speak with him tonight rather than leaving the debriefing for tomorrow.

I was not always privy to everything that transpired between Dumbledore and Snape and I knew it was for my safety but now, with the Fugum Demonum I felt slighted that I wouldn't be included.

"Miss Granger go to bed, you'll need your rest when the students arrive tomorrow."

He was right, it was late and the day had been so exhausting and the thought of these next couple of months had given me a headache behind the eyes.

I made to leave and then realized I had his wand.

"Oh Professor." I withdrew it from my robes and handed it to him. He took it and placed it between both hands, then thoughtfully slid it up his sleeve. "Soon it might be all that is left ...of me"

I couldn't face him, his admission struck such a note of sadness within me and I just wanted to get away.

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Fortunately, the students arrived with the usual bustle, problems, confusions, mishaps and it was what we all needed to take our minds off the current situation. Children have a way of bringing you sharply into the here and now.

Snape and I had begun sharing the teaching responsibilities of Potions. I took the first and second years and he was left with the rest, quite honestly at the end of last year I had no idea how he had managed for so long alone, not to mention he was the head of house for Slytherin.

Lupin and I were having a cup of tea in the teacher's lounge, discussing the first Hogsmeade weekend, McGonagall had informed us that morning that we would be the chaperones.

"How were your first two classes?" Lupin queried with a wry smile, knowing full well that I had double first year potions with the Gryffindors and Slytherins first thing in the morning.

"A first attempt at petrificus totalus, one use of Fred and George's bloody nose nougat and two unpurchased textbooks." I smiled triumphantly.

"Not bad for the first day." We laughed and it felt good.

"How about you, anyone showing aptitude?" I knew he only had Hufflepuffs so far that morning, they were notoriously disinterested in the Dark Arts.

"Ahh you speak of my Hufflepuffs…so hard to cure them of that politeness…" He looked up amused.

I had always wondered about Remus being sorted into Gryffindor, yes he was brave, brave to try to make a life for himself amongst people after being bitten, and he was loyal to his friends but he was very Hufflepuff in nature too. Perhaps if he hadn't have been bitten he would have been placed in a different house. But he had…and I suppose that was part of who he was.

"You're very polite Remus but you're a whiz at defense spells."

"I'm not so very polite Hermione and remember the sorting hat sees through us all." He handed me my tea and we sat opposite in the wingchairs near the window.

"Defense was a necessity for me Hermione and truthfully, politeness probably was too. I was always very fearful that someone would expose me, other than the marauders and Dumbledore no one knew of my affliction. I would have been expelled and worse. Keeping my head down and being polite kept me away from suspicion."

"Well I certainly don't think you would have been nasty if you hadn't been bitten…no I think there is a goodness in you no matter what the circumstances and I believe yours would have come through in some other way if the situation had been different."

"Perhaps but you can't really guess at that, take Snape for example, in the opposite, do you think he would have made the choices he made if he had been treated differently by people?" Remus finished his tea and placed it on the small table between them.

"I sipped my tea, contemplating what Remus had said and only barely noticed him leave.

"I'm off to 4th year Gryffindors…"

I sat mulling over his views. Was our personality formed by devices to get by in life? He had mentioned Snape, surely he had to act differently because he was a spy but I doubt that he was that much different than he acted. He took to much delight in torturing students and looking down upon everyone…but like Remus maybe it was his only way of getting by and it became habit.

McGonagall roused me from my thoughts.

"All the plans for the Hogsmeade weekend worked out? Thanks ever so much for volunteering." I smiled at this because in Minerva's mind volunteering for extra duties was the equivalent of not complaining when she assigned it to you.

"Everything's fine. We'll take them down Saturday morning, let them shop, have lunch, browse and then be back for dinner."

"Splendid." She poked her head back out the door.

I headed down to the lab, Snape and I both had free periods and I was finally going to speak with him about the time release Wolfsbane and surreptitiously check on his behavior…I knew nothing could have changed yet but Neville did say the drug seemed to have a heightened effect due to his magic so I knew if it was going to work it wouldn't be to long.

I entered and he was marking papers.

"It's the first day of classes how could you have papers to mark already?"

"I set a summer essay for my 7th years…I don't want them becoming careless because of summer break…we have a lot of volatile potions to wade through this year."

"Oh, I remember"

I shook my head in recollection.

"Was there something you wanted Granger or did you just come to reminisce?

"I have a proposal for a project I would like to work on for my thesis. I would like to improve on the wolfsbane potion by making it into a pill form that has a time release element, hopefully cutting down on the side effects." I said it all in a jumble, fearing instant ridicule.

Snape looked up and narrowed his eyes, not a good sign.

"You do know that potion took decades to perfect and that very few potions master can even make it correctly?"

"Yes, but we have made it together for the past year and a half and I have been taking notes and have come up with what I think are some improvements." I handed him a roll of parchment tied with a bit of string.

He took it from me and unrolled it, scanning it for some 3 minutes, he looked up. "I have some time on Saturday?"

"I was surprised by the lack of remarks. "I can't Saturday Remus and I have Hogsmeade weekend detail."

"Minerva volunteered you I suppose?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Well, better anyone than me." He quipped.

"What about Sunday?"

"No, I must referee a scrimmage quidditch match. It will have to be after classes during the week." He took up some parchment and his quill and scribbled some words on it."Look for these when you're in Hogsmeade, they may prove valuable in your research."

"Yes Professor."

"Remember I am far to busy to work on this, it will be your project but if they are well thought out and intelligent you may ask me questions, but do not presume to waste my time with drivel. Do I make myself clear."

"Yes sir."

"That went far better than I had thought, of course his manner was as gruff as usual, no change there to report, but he did write down the books to get…well, after all, he was supposed to be my mentor…it was about time he started fulfilling that title.

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Hogsmeade weekend was going smoothly, I had stopped by the post on the way down to the village to send Harry and Neville quick notes. One to Neville saying that indeed we would need more powder and that the plan was in full swing and one to Harry telling him to come Sunday if he wanted to see the Quidditch match.

Remus and I kept an eye on the students as they did some shopping and late book buying in the village and by noon everyone was ready for lunch, some went to Madame Puddifoots, some opted for candy and ice-cream, Remus and I looked the other way and some followed us to The Three Broomsticks. Remus got us a table near the door so we could observe everyone in the pub and out in the street.

"If you don't mind I have to run to the bookstore before we leave town."

"As soon as your finished, I'll round everyone up and give a guided tour up to the edge of the north woods."

"Thanks."

Lunch went quickly and I left to run my errand. Remus came out and rounded everyone up for the hike. I promised to meet him in half an hour's time.

The bookstore in Hogsmead was small compared to Diagon Alley but they had quite a nice section stocked on potions and I quickly found two out of the three volumes Snape had recommended I was going up to the desk to ask if the third could be ordered when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Miss Granger…is it not?"

I turned to see Lucius Malfoy, he had a black glove on my shoulder.

I looked at him questioningly as though he could not have anything to say that I would care to hear.

"I see you have settled on an interest in Potions. Great teacher Severus is, you could learn a lot from him."

I start to shake a bit under his scrutiny, with Lucius you never knew what he was implying.

I pulled away from his hand and backed up to the front desk, hoping that the manager would come out soon.

He held his cane out and stroked an errant curl away from my face. I couldn't believe his arrogance but all the same was rooted to the spot.

"I think I may have been wrong about you Granger, you could very well turn out to be a truly great witch."

Just then the bell on the front door rang and someone came in, he pulled his cane back and adjusted his cape.

"Lucius, what brings you to our abysmal little village."

I couldn't believe it was Snape. Where had he come from?

"Severus, I was just having the most enchanting conversation with you apprentice. I hear she is working very hard and perhaps will rival even your greatness someday?"

"I suppose she told you that herself."

I flushed with embarrassment and to avoid this tête-à-tête turned to face the counter."

"Oh I have my sources of information."

"Well I wouldn't want to interfere with teacher and student, good day."

The manager had finally come out to see about the voices and I handed him my books, he took my money and went to wrap them in brown paper.

"Everything is fine here?" I don't know if he was asking me or telling me but for some reason I didn't want to turn around. I shook my head in the affirmative.

"Where is Lupin…and all those ghastly children."

"He gave me a little time to shop while they set off for a hike to the North woods. I'm overdue to meet him."

"Come then I haven't got all day."

"Wait…what are you doing here?"

"Must I explain myself for taking one day off?"

"I could hardly argue with that but I had a feeling this was no coincidence."

We walked silently to the North Woods and only right before we turned the last corner of town did I work up the courage to ask,

"Do you think Lucius suspects that you are a spy?"

He stopped in his tracks.

"What did he say to you? Did he do anything?" He looked very cross.

"It was weird, he told me I could learn a lot from you and he thought maybe he was wrong about me." I swallowed hard.

"Stay away from him…he is…dangerous."

As soon as he saw Remus emerge from the thicket he left my side and apparated as he was walking away.

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AN: Duj; I think your inner eye has this one all wrong. Stick around and see how it develops. Remember patience is a virtue…that sounds familiar. Thanks for the reviews; your comments always keep things lively. Fellow writer, Indianpipe.

"


	6. Snitch

It was early Sunday morning and I had made my way down to the dungeon to see if anything needed to be brewed or at least prepped for tomorrow. I hoped that there wasn't too much because Harry had owled me that he would like to come to the scrimmage match and meet me for breakfast before in the great hall.

Snape had taken to leaving me notes on Sunday if he wasn't in the lab. The Potions master position was a never-ending job; lesson plans, teaching, testing, grading, brewing almost the whole stock for the infirmary and on occasion fulfilling special requests for teachers.

My salary at Hogwarts was a pittance but I wondered how much Snape's salary was? Did he take full salary or was he independently wealthy? Hmm.

I picked up the note; they were always the same, terse and impatient.

Granger,

Let us start off the year with less enthusiasm for headache potions than last year or my ingredients will need to be refilled again before Christmas. Think Pepper – up! It has all the relief in one potion and its cheap and effective. A case should hold us until November and then we can address the winter supply.

If you don't dawdle you will have it finished before the Quidditch scrimmage match this morning.

Prof. Snape

Snape entered and eyed me at the workstation. He must have just written the note and was still preparing to leave.

"You found the note?"

"Yes."

He nodded and went to the cabinets behind me. Our backs were facing each other and so I couldn't see what he was doing. I heard vials click and a stopper taken out, I turned, just enough to see his right elbow rise, he was taking a potion.

I dared not ask what was the matter, he hated fussing of any kind.

He must have turned round and started watching me.

"You need a bigger cauldron for that …the potion simmers to high in the all iron, use the copper bottom on the far wall."

I bit my lip and doused the flames with my wand. The iron cauldron would have worked perfectly well but he was right the copper bottom took a little longer to warm but it provided a more even heat for the liquid, and thereby keeping it at a constant simmer. The only tricky part of pepper-up was that you had to maintain the simmer without letting the potion boil.

"Did you owl Longbottom for the 'substance'?

The substance is what Snape had begun to call the Fugum Demonum, it gave it a concrete, clinical feeling and I wondered whether that wasn't intentional or subconscious on his part, after all, the name; Devil's Scourge did make the whole plan seem mysterious and fictional, fact was, this approach to subduing Voldemort was quite methodical, I think that's what appealed to Snape , if we followed the rules, the dosages correctly we should arrive at the desired outcome. The only problem is people's personalities don't always follow the rules.

"Yes, I owled him the other day and he will be delivering it personally end of next week."Snape nodded as he moved past me on the way to the storage closet.

He emerged with a very sleek looking broom, Harry would have known the model if he were here, he looked so different holding it I stared for just an instant. His black leather gloves were grasping the base firmly and the texture of the twigs on the end was in sharp contrast with the white skin that stretched over his prominent features. He was prepared, early as he was with everything and his eyes held an expression that said he knew everyone else involved would no doubt be late. Did his annoyance ever abate? or was it with him even in sleep, or perhaps it began afresh when his eyes first fluttered open in the morning and he had found that he had yet again lived through another night.

My copper bottom pot was on the table now and I looked inside its cavernous opening, averting my gaze, as I know I had lingered to long.

"We must apply more substance to the robes this evening and if you have any questions on your project you may at that time ask, but keep in mind what I said." With that he turned on his heel and strode purposefully to the door.

I nodded in recognition but he was already gone. I let out a breath I'd hadn't noticed I was holding in…it was like having to work for the worst version of yourself.

I finished and bottled the case of pepper-up. I was pleased that my breakfast with Harry would not have to be missed.

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Harry arrived in the great hall just moments before the students started to file in for breakfast. Saturdays were more casual and the students received an extra hour with which to prepare and descend for breakfast. I motioned him to come sit next to me at the high table, I knew Snape's seat would be vacant, it was his habit to go out to the pitch early and survey the stands and field.

"Morning Hermione." Harry pushed up his glasses and reached for some pumpkin juice.

"Does it feel strange to be just a spectator?"

Harry was thoughtful for a moment. "Yes, but its good too, I love watching almost as much as I love playing."

I shook my head, never would I understand that obsession, but I'm sure he'd never understand some of mine either.

The students came in and Harry and I watched as the houses took their respective seats.

"Were we really that small as first years?"

"I think you and I were even smaller?" We smiled at each other, a little embarrassed by the memory of our younger selves.

"You should see the new Gryffindor seeker Harry, he's young like you were too."

I pointed out Swift to Harry. "There, with the golden curls." Harry picked him out quickly from the crowd, he was that type, sun sweet hair, lingering tan, small but well proportioned.

"He's pretty enough but we'll see how swift he is…"

I laughed at Harry's uncharacteristic challenge.

Harry laughed into his cereal, he hadn't been able to help himself. I understood, the boy did have a quality that would induce envy, if I could just have the hair alone…

We left for the match after breakfast and sat in the teacher's box. Harry looked longingly over to the Gryffindor box but never mentioned changing seats to me, after the first glance his expression was one of resign, we had grown to old, it wouldn't have been appropriate.

Some of the players were still in their field houses but Snape was out on the pitch, he had the case that held the quaffle, bludgers and snitch, he strode purposely to the center of the field, case under one arm, broom held tight in the other, his back was ramrod straight as he walked. I laughed a little, he was really the perfect choice for referee, who would argue with him, certainly no one would dare challenge him physically, there wasn't even a 7th year taller than him.

" Okay, he's fast." Harry's eyes were on Swift, he had emerged from Gryffindor's field house and was taking a few practice passes around the pitch. The Gryffindor box erupted every time he flew by.

"I heard Snape concede to McGonagall that Swift would be Slytherin's only obstacle this year." Harry raised his eyebrows, impressed by Snape's admission.

The match was exciting and I could tell Harry was having a good time. The two teams were not perfectly matched but as usual Gryffindor had a lot of heart and the sight of Snape zipping around the pitch, making calls and actually being fair was entertainment in itself.

"I think he is enjoying himself." Harry nodded at one point when Snape had to pull apart two opposing beaters. I nodded in agreement.

" Where's Swift I've lost track of him?" I scanned the pitch for the boy.

"Look he's chasing the snitch." The game had resumed with 2 points deducted from each team for ungentlemanly behavior, I smiled at the name of the regulation, wizards never engaged in 'fighting' that was to unseemly, to muggle.

Harry and I followed Swift as he raced around the pitch, weaving in and out of the players and crisscrossing between goal posts. He was gaining on the golden streak and all his fans were holding their breath, even Snape kept glancing around in anticipation.

He reached out and grabbed it, Harry and I cheered and the bell to end the game sounded. Swift went to unfurl his fist to display the snitch to the crowd and when he did the golden ball burst into flames.

In shock and pain he fell backward from his broom and the flaming snitch kept pace with him.

Snape seemingly came from nowhere, not quick enough to catch the boy but obviously fast enough to cast a cushioning charm and divert the flaming ball away from the little seeker's body.

I'm not sure when but Harry and I had started running and we were out to the spot on the field that the boy laid within seconds. Severus was hunched over the boy when we approached, it looked as if his hand was red and raw from being burnt and he was unconscious.

"Granger!…to the lab, I need murtlap and aloe bring it to the hospital wing…Now!!! Potter, is that you?" Harry came around from behind Snape,

"Yes Professor."

" Here, take my broom, fly to castle and tell Poppy I'm on my way, tell her what happened…tell her it could be dark magic."

Harry and I exchanged glances quickly.

"Hermione get on, it'll be faster."

I climbed on behind Harry and he went off like a shot, I closed my eyes and didn't open till we were at the front door. We raced inside and parted at the stairs to go and fulfill our missions.

Why would Snape need murtlap and aloe, they were so mild, Poppy had much more powerful and effective burn creams, Snape and I had stocked them ourselves over the summer. I didn't dwell, Snape obviously had it in hand and I wasn't that sure of myself around possible dark magic that I was going to argue with his method.

I ran from the lab clutching the murtlap and aloe. On my way up I caught sight of Snape, he was carrying Swift, almost like a baby, cradling the boy tenderly so as not to cause more pain to his hand but keeping the rest of his body close for warmth. I halted at the landing to give them clear passage to the stairs that led to the hospital wing and the split second that I was in earshot I heard Snape purr a soothing moan down to the boy. I followed quickly determined to arrive just at his heels.

We raced into the infirmary, Harry and Madame Pomfrey had rolled a bed close to the entrance. Snape laid Swift down gently, being careful not to jostle the hand that had been burned. He cried out from the jarring. Poppy as well as Snape had their wands out and were going over him. Snape I assumed was checking for Dark magic and Poppy vital signs.

"No dark magic, quickly give him the pain reliever."

Snape tipped the boys head back and Poppy poured a mixture of pain and sleep potion down his open mouth. Snape massaged the boys throat to get him to swallow, I saw Harry turn away.

The boy quieted and Snape nestled him to the pillow, releasing the arm with the injured hand to Poppy for nursing.

Snape turned and released a deep sigh while holding onto the door handle but he quickly revived and turned to me.

"Granger, forget the murtlap and aloe, there's no dark magic…check to see how much burn cream Poppy still has, if there is less than three jars start on a new batch immediately." He was thinking while talking and didn't look up. Harry was still turned away from Swift.

"She has three jars." I told him anyway, knowing that he may change his mind.

"Very well, we'll see how he progresses tonight, I can make some later."

He took one more look at the boy before leaving.

I made to follow tapping Harry on the arm as I passed him. He turned, his face was red with a flush of embarrassment. Snape was long gone by the time we approached the stairs so I thought it safe to question Harry.

"Everything alright over there?" I didn't look over but sort of kept my eyes averted.

"I need to get back to the Ministry but I think I should speak to Professor Dumbledore first, this is either a prank gone very wrong or Voldemort has found a way beyond the gates." Harry's head was down and the furious blush had all but dissipated, its fading blossom convinced me that he wasn't only suffering from worry.

"Is that all that's wrong?" He could have taken it as an inquiry about the war or even Voldemort but we had been friends to long for him to evade.

"Did Snape ever have to give me potions the way he just did in there?" Harry motioned back toward the Hospital Wing.

I stared at him for a long minute, embarrassment was why he had turned away from Swift and Snape.

"Once that I can remember, the fall you took, when the dememtors were here." Harry's expression sank. I continued to justify the seriousness of the situation.

"You had been unconscious for over an hour and although Madam Pomfrey was not registering internal injuries everyone was impatient for you to wake up and see for themselves that you were alright. Snape made a point of telling us that we should never use enervate on someone with possible head injuries if it could be helped, to jarring to the system I think was his explanation….you know always the teacher. He disappeared then and came back a few minutes later with a potion. You were asleep so he had to be very careful that you didn't choke."

I remembered just then that many of the boys from the quidditch team that had been holding vigil by Harry's bed had turned away when Snape went to massage his throat. At the time I thought it was out of respect but now it had entered my mind that it may have been because it was Snape, to see him being gentle in his ministrations was so contrary to the Snape that everyone had sculpted in their minds, they had turned not out of respect for Harry but to preserve their own egos. The reviled potions master resided in their minds as inferior, his actions and station in life forever securing them superiority over at least one person.

Harry didn't reply and with survival skills that I could only imagine he stored the information away and moved on to the problem at hand.

"I want to let them know what happened at the Ministry, they may want to offer Dumbledore a few officers for additional security. I'll be back in a few hours, I want to question Snape about the quidditch gear and anyone else who may have been out at the pitch last night or early this morning."

"Well, I know Snape was out there early this morning, remember he wasn't at breakfast." The possibility that Snape could be a suspect in people's minds had just occurred to me.

"Harry do you think it wise to alert the Ministry about this incident before we can gather more facts?

"If I speak with Tonks she may have leads already that would help us to find out what happened."

I was hesitant to reveal my fears but I couldn't see any other way. " Harry, if the Ministry comes in a does an investigation Snape could be seen as a prime suspect."

He looked into my eyes briefly, " Alright, I'll talk to her unofficially…as one order member to another." He looked away and we headed toward the main entrance, "…I'm going to change things there you know…at the Ministry…when this is all over, it's my ambition."

"I know." My hand rested on his shoulder, for all his world-weariness he was very naïve and good and a part of me wanted so desperately to protect him from disappointment.

"As soon as I know anything I'll owl you." I opened the door for him.

"Same here."

While we were attending to Swift the rest of the staff had ushered the students back to their dormitories and everything in the main hall seemed quiet, I imagined the intense discussions that were happening in each house common room and how the story of what happened would be so distant by breakfast tomorrow from what truly happened that to the teachers it would be totally unrecognizable.

I headed for the lab, sure that Snape would head straight there to brew more burn paste, irregardless of whether we had had 20 jars on hand. Today, when he was with Swift and Harry turned away I realized that Snape didn't work himself into a passion about situations rather he let the usual intense level drop off to adjust. Swift's injuries required a lighter touch and Severus had to control his natural tendency toward sharpness and expediency. Perhaps it wasn't that he was always in such tight control, but he had to control himself to curb his intensity.

The ingredients for the burn paste were laid out on the workstation and I had only to add them at the appropriate time. I was on the thickening agent, milkweed, when Snape hurried in through the door.

He immediately saw the ingredients and let out a breath.

"Good." Was all he said and he made his way over to the cupboard that held his Deatheater robes. He hadn't yet changed out of his referee cloak and my mind was distracted by the idea that his whole wardrobe consisted of costumes.

He laid the robes out on the clear end of the worktable and withdrew our dosing schedule from a drawer beneath the surface. The scales that always rested in the center of the table were drawn close, it was strange, as he poured the invisible substance tipped the scales. The weighing and measuring had calmed him and while I stirred the paste to its desired consistency I decided now was the time to inquire.

"Any ideas?"

"A few…" He turned his head up to me, presumably to check that I was paying attention to my work, "…the Headmaster is investigating the snitch." It was a practiced answer, one in which he would tell any of the Hogwarts teachers

"I see." I went back to my burn paste.

If I couldn't come up with the right way of asking I would be privy to nothing until the next order meeting. I went for broke.

"Does Dumbledore feel that you will be implicated as a suspect?" He hadn't expected this and I could tell by his movements, his hands resumed to spreading the fugum under the hood, as carefully as I had seen him massage Swift's throat.

"I think it unlikely after my attempts at saving him."

"Have the boys parents been owled?"

"Minerva is seeing to that…and the press as well."

"The press?" I stopped stirring.

"Won't that bring the Ministry in and raise questions about the student's safety."

"Perhaps a few Auror's about would help at this time." My brows furrowed.

"Granger you are so exceedingly Gryffindor." The exasperation in his voice was almost a relief, it signaled that he and Dumbledore had hold of a plan.

He extinguished the flame on the burn paste, as itself was almost about to burn from my lack of attention and then without scolding me he reached under the table for the jars when he emerged he stepped closer, the meter difference in our heights caused a never before felt dryness in my throat. I swallowed as he looked down upon me.

"A government agency loves nothing more than to swoop in when someone cries for help. Perhaps to alleviate suspicion we will invite…or rather plead the suspicious to come to our aid. Yes, I think what we need is a couple of Aurors to help us watch over the children, perhaps volunteers?"

He filled the jars with paste assuming, quite accurately that I was no good at puzzling things out while I was busy with my hands.

"You suspect someone in the Ministry…and if you suggest a few volunteers to help with security…one of them might be connected with Voldemort."

He nodded slightly to the affirmative.

"But you must have suspected someone in the Ministry was passing information before this…"

"Right again Granger…the last deatheater meeting proved quite informative. It seems Crabbe has been in regular contact with someone."

"Senior..or juniour?"

"Junior, he's a lackey for the Head of Magical Creatures."

Our chores were finished, both completed by Snape, as his flow of information had rendered me useless. My mind whirled with worries and all I could do was bid him a quick good night. It was only when I was in the dark dungeon hallway that it registered that Snape had quietly said goodnight as well.


	7. Everything and Nothing as it seems

**Disclaimer; JKR's world. This is all for fun and never any money**.

**Chapter 7 Everything and Nothing as it seems**

There were four aurors about the castle, I heard from Hagrid at lunch that they had questioned him extensively at the Hut and that it was all Harry and he could do to subdue Fang from lunging at the youngest one in the bunch. Evidently his name was Din and both Tonks and Harry had suspicions on how he had secured his post at the Ministry.

Swift's parents had retrieved him from Hogwarts that morning, they had been upset but reasonable, it was decided that the sight of the auror's and the understanding that an investigation, independent from the school, had gone a long way in calming them.

"Severus your idea to bring the Auror's in was a stroke of genius." Dumbledore nodded graciously in Snape's direction.

I glanced over at Snape, standing in front of the window, poised to hurry out as soon as the staff meeting concluded. His eyes winced at Dumbledore's praise, at first thought, I presumed he was irritated to be singled out, but the angle in which he put his head down, defeat lowering the chin, I realized he was insulted. I knew full well that this had never been his plan, having the auror's investigate was only a way of fleshing out a possible informant, it was never intended to assuage Swift's parents, or make it easier for Dumbledore to explain the painful accident. I watched each teacher take in this information, they nodded their heads in assent that indeed it would help them move on quickly and keep things quiet but behind their nods of approval were stares of disdain, they accepted the rewards of such a plan but were disgusted by the one who thought it up.

I had stumbled on to a language that no one could hear but was universally understood, whether it was the truth or not…they all accepted it…Snape didn't contradict and his head rose, features repositioned and unfazed by their false assumptions.

It was decided that we would reconvene tomorrow morning to discuss what the auror's had found.

I had a class to hurry off to and so Snape and I were the first ones to leave. I wanted somehow to make things right, to let him know that I understood well the real purpose of the auror's presence.

"Professor Snape." I stepped back from waves of children moving from class to class and Snape followed me, we stood in line with the empty suit of armor.

"Have you spoken with Hagrid and Harry yet?"

"No"

"Hagrid was grilled in such a way that his dog became suspicious of one of the auror's"

"Hagrid?" Snape's expression could only be described as bewildered. I felt uneasy; thinking that I knew the repertoire of his expressions by heart but had been introduced to two completely knew faces in the side of half an hour. He was lost in thought for a moment and I took the respite to conceive that perhaps all the expressions had always been there but for my ignorance I had been blind to them…

"They have not questioned me yet… which one, of course I know it wasn't Potter or Tonks but what of the other two…" He didn't let me answer but kept up his own dialogue. "…to suspect Hagrid is either sheer stupidity or diversion. I will be careful…more careful with their questions…thorough with my answers though, building up mystery now will only hurt the boy and his family, attention must at all costs be directed away from them." The silence of the halls brought him away from his strategizing; he looked over and considered me.

"It will not do for us to be late today, Miss Granger."

I nodded my head in agreement and made a hurried pace to my 2nd year Hufflepuffs, rebuking myself down the corridors for believing that I had gained some special insight into Snape. It was the "substance" working, changes were taking place, fear and elation would be the bookends of my thoughts today, fear for where this would take us…him… and elation over a new hope for an end to the war.

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Neville was to meet me in greenhouse three, he had finished a batch of the fugum early and conceded to come to Hogwarts to drop it obb but stated in his owl that he had some things to discuss with Professor Sprout and wanted to meet down by the gardens. I ate quickly, straining to hear any tidbits about the auror's findings as of yet. I hadn't seen Harry or Tonks for the rest of the day and Snape was either very late or not coming to dinner. Not wanting to be late myself I finished my stew and walked to the middle of the table begging my excuse to Dumbledore, but upon my approach I heard Professor Flitwick say,

"…do not worry Minerva, Severus is very capable, his meeting with the auror's is taking so long because he has completely turned the tables on them and they will be concluding with an apology for taking up so much of his time." Minerva laughed but it was strained and the gesture had been more for Professor Flitwick's benefit than her own.

Dumbledore took my hand up and patted it, smiling out upon the children. "Of course my dear…do give my best to Mr. Longbottom…he should not be a stranger to us."

"I'll tell him."

The entrance hall was empty, flooded in late afternoon light. The temperature had steadily risen over the last few days and I stepped out onto the stone stairs with only a light summer robe to cover my cotton muggle clothing. Indian summer was what mymother called it, the resurgence of a warm spell after everyone was so sure the fall chill had taken up a permanent residence.

As I approached the greenhouse I could see Professor Sprout and Neville bent over a pot on the workbench. I opened the door and they immediately broke off what they were discussing.

"Hermione" Neville came round the table and greeted me warmly. "I am so glad I have come, Professor Sprout never ceases to amaze me with her knowledge."

"Well, Neville and I were just finishing up, do come round to the back garden and take a drink with us Miss Granger."

I had only recently started socializing with my former Professors outside of the Order and I felt hesitant about accepting. I wanted to get the substance and get back to the castle to see how Snape faired with his questioning but Neville had apparated all that way and so I accepted out of politeness.

I walked through greenhouse 3 and opened the back door onto a small but lush garden, burgeoning with the wealth of a summer's growth, there were wooden benches and a little table. Professor Sprout appeared with an ancient bottle of red wine and filled three glasses that I tried not to inspect to closely for cleanliness.

"I never knew this was here?" I admitted to Sprout.

"My little secret, can't work constantly. I need a place to plan and think, after being in front of the students all week I come here to truly be myself"

I settled back on the wood and sipped my wine, deciding I needed a place like this as well. Neville then raised his glass to us and toasted,

" To better times ahead."

"Cheers." We answered.

Professor Sprout was pointing out some of her favorite plants, and pouring us some more wine when we heard a banging sound inside the greenhouse.

Neville looked at me quizzically and got up to go to the door, no sooner did the door open when a short, slim, dark haired man pushed his way through, almost knocking Neville over. I put down my wine glass and was going for my wand when Harry, Tonks and a tall brunette walked in a few paces behind.

The Auror's… of course. I pocketed my wand and stood to greet them. I assumed Din was not the tall brunette.

"Hermione…we have to ask you some questions about the other day." Harry smiled reassuringly.

"Of course." I was a bit surprised they had tracked me down out here but I supposed they wanted to conclude today. The shorter man, Din, came forward,

"Miss Granger, is it?" I nodded my head.

"You were in the hall at breakfast the morning of the accident?"

"Yes."

"I believe you were breakfasting with Auror-in- training, Potter?"

"Yes."

"Was Professor Snape in the great hall at any time during breakfast?"

"No." I offered nothing else. He took a step closer. I stared past him, looking at Harry behind him; he was mouthing the words 'sorry'.

" Was he in possession of the quidditch supplies, the box that held the snitch?"

"Yes…he is the referee for the matches, he goes early to every game…to secure the field."

He took out a small notebook to make a notation; I could hardly believe that was a new piece of information considering I seemed to be the last investigated.

"What is your relationship to Severus Snape."? My eyes widened a bit.

Neville came round behind me and put his hands on my shoulders, "See here, what are you implying. What does this have to do with the boy who was injured?"

"I'm trying to judge the efficacy of the testimonials I'm gathering."

"Din you're out of line." Tonks moved forward, her purple hair was showing brassy blonde at the tips and in the middle of this mess I couldn't help but think how interesting it was that she did not have complete control over her metamorphing, I had seen her emotions interfere before.

"Hermione, did Severus say or do anything out of the ordinary the last few days? Make any unusual potions….I've got to ask." Tonks looked spent and uncomfortable.

"No."

Din, having been squashed a bit by Tonk's rebuke had quieted but kept taking notes.

"I hope that you will be including in your report the efforts with which Professor Snape used to aid Swift." I was disgusted when I saw Din put the notebook away. "You know he carried him all the way up to the hospital wing, he could have conjured a stretcher but that would have taken extra time."

Tonks nodded her head to me in the affirmative and was motioning for them to leave. Neville left my side and moved to see them through the greenhouse. I could see Harry wanted to linger and talk with me but we both knew he couldn't right now.

The auror Din was trailing behind and before he passed Neville he turned on me.

"Did Snape ever say there was a possibility it was dark magic at work."?

I was caught off guard, I thought back of his initial request for the aloe and murtlap.

"Uh…in a situation so freakish I'm sure many possibilities come to mind."

Din looked me up and down… "Depends on whose mind your talking about." He left and

I watched Neville stalk behind him, no doubt making sure he was definitely leaving.

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"That one seems to have his mind made up." Sprout said as she had gone back to her wine.

"I should go now."

"Alright dear, good night."

I met Neville outside, apparently he had followed the group a ways and he was walking back."

"How is your thesis coming along?"

I didn't want to stop and talk. "Oh it's fine, with all the commotion I haven't had time to focus, and of course Snape's been very distracted."

"If you ever need any ingredients, or advice let me know. I learned a lot about brewing…once I left Hogwarts of course…" We both laughed.

He bent down to kiss my cheek and then he gave me a quick hug as well, warmer and not what I would call just plain friendly.

"Thank you Neville, I'll write with an update soon."

I walked back to the castle, although Auror Din had infuriated me I couldn't muster my usual anger over the injustice, instead a sense of calm suffused through me. It must be the wine…definitely the wine…I was convincing myself of this all the way down to the dungeon."

"Enter."

When I entered I saw Snape just closing up the overhead cabinet he had been rifling through the other day. Another headache I assumed, too much time spent answering questions.

"You have the substance?"

"Yes, Neville came to deliver it."

"How was your questioning."? He seemed surprisingly calm, truth be told I thought he would have been storming around the room brewing like a madman when I arrived. His demeanor was unsettling and possibly another indication that things were indeed progressing quickly.

"It went as I suspected, they have no proof." He took off his outer robe and hung it on the hook in the back of the room. It struck me that I could never remember seeing him without his teaching robe on. He wore a black shirt and vest with dark slacks. He took out his wand and started to clean up the workstation in front of him. I was mesmerized, foolish really, just because one is out of their ordinary uniform to be so awestruck.

"I should have sent you a missive, we are not brewing tonight, I'm sure you are as exhausted as I am." He looked up at me and I had to consciously keep my mouth from going slack.

"I thought you had given up on sleep?" I couldn't help myself this was truly weird.

"I think we both know that from here on out things will be different." He took up the cauldron and stowed it under the table top."

I was deflated. There was no stomping, no yelling, no biting remarks about how Din would have made a superb guinea pig for the draught of living death, how his vitriolics were no doubt compensation for a 'great many things', no surmising that he was somehow connected with Lucius , Voldemort or Crabbe, there were no theories, no chastisements over my being so Gryffindor to think he could not have silenced a small din…and although hard to admit, no concern over how he questioned me, had I faired alright, was he as impertinent and suggestive with me as he had been with him.

He saw me pondering this and more and with a conciliatory shrug he came around the workbench.

"Miss Granger, I believe I was wrong, my theory, very likely due to my tendency for paranoia was baseless. The Auror's are just that, if there is an informant we must look elsewhere. Get some rest, it has been a trying day." He gathered his coat and wand and left me alone.

**AN:** Sorry for the long hiatus. My brain was fried from Microbiology. Hope to be a bit more reliable til the end. Cheers.


	8. If for only a moment

**If only for a moment**

We were back in the staff meeting waiting for Dumbledore to arrive, Harry walked in and I was relieved that he didn't look too upset over the situation.

"I'm sorry about Din yesterday." He bent his head down, taking on responsibility that was not his own.

"It's O.K. Harry I can take care of myself, besides it's not your fault. Did you find any evidence that was helpful?"

"Everyone's stories jibe so we didn't find much there." He leaned closer and pushed up his glasses. "We recovered the snitch, or what was left of it, one of the wings was missing and there were many broken pieces we have started to put together."

"Did you pick up any magical activity?" I lowered my voice as well, thinking now that all this information would not be part of the staff meeting.

"That's just the queer thing about it, there was no energy…but we could see some sort of residue all over it, a thin film of we are not quite sure what." He had turned round to face me full on, he had grown in the last year, odd for his age, but because of what I suspected as mistreatment by the Dursley's, his physical maturity had been delayed.

"Maybe Snape and I could have a go at it, puzzle out if we can detect any ingredients." I offered.

"I suggested that but Din went ballistic, he said that would be a conflict of interest and he convinced Tonks that only the Ministry lab could test."

"Well, in any other case I'd say he was probably right but knowing the way they bungle things and how they feel about Snape at the Ministry I'm suspicious that they might see something that's not there." My stomach started to burn with the thought of Snape's innocence being left in the hands of the Ministry. I looked to Harry to see what his thoughts on the matter where when I saw him reaching into his pocket.

"I agree." He smiled and pulled out a small golden chunk. "I brought you this for analysis.

Dumbledore walked in with Snape following behind and I pocketed the evidence.

As I knew, none of what Harry had told me was part of the staff meeting. Dumbledore concluded with the vague statement that the incident would remain under investigation while the Aurors continued to gather evidence.

Snape glanced in my direction, but then looked the other way and when Dumbledore finished he followed him out.

It took all my patience to wade through my classes but finally I stole away to the lab, hoping that we could find a clue from the shattered snitch. I knocked but no one answered so I let myself in, silence told me that he was either still in class or possibly meeting with Dumbledore. I approached the bench and saw a note in the usual spot.

Miss Granger,

I am off to see my friend and I have a feeling won't be back until quite late. The stores of beetle wings and mushroom caps are running low; you know where to find them. 10 and 50 grams respectively should be ample for tomorrow's fourth years.

Snape

The instruction, although less impatient than usual seemed perfectly ordinary, save for using the word 'friend' as a code word for Voldemort, it was instead the post script that made me pause.

P.S.

Please do not linger, I know that your project awaits my perusal but I find myself fatigued these last few days, perhaps the weekend will allow for some time.

S. Snape

Admitting to exhaustion, caring over my project this was indeed out of character, but as Snape had stated yesterday things would be different now. I cast the note aside and began the tedious work. A quarter of the way through the beetle wings I had already decided to 'linger', my curiosity over Voldemort's reaction to the substance was too strong and I was sure Snape's interest would be piqued by the piece of snitch.

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It was eleven by the time I had stacked the ingredients in boxes near the door to be brought up to the fourth year's classroom tomorrow.

I took out my notes on the Wolfsbane and a book that I had managed to find in London called "The Chemistry of Time Release" and settled on a stool behind the bench. I was halfway through the third chapter when Snape opened the door. He had his deatheater robe slung over his arm, positioned to hide the mask as before and after seeing me at the bench he crossed the room to the locked cabinet where he stored them.

"I thought I told you not to stay?" His voice was quiet and slightly less bass.

"I was just researching a bit before I left." I closed my book, thinking that I should probably leave as it sounded as though he would be uncommunicative about the evening.

"Something is happening." He murmured this to me as he slumped down on a bench against the sidewall, that until now I had never noticed. He looked exhausted and his eyelids drooped ever so slightly.

I came across the room quicker than I had wanted to and sat gently down beside him.

"Tell me." I implored, wanting to know for myself but hoping that in the retelling it would give him back some little energy that the lonely knowledge of what transpired seemed to be sapping

He looked up but focused on some point on the other side of the room.

"I didn't know where I was at first, it had been so very long since I'd been. It looked grand in the darkness; the chandelier in the front hallway illuminated the first floor rooms like an elegant doll's house. I could feel the energy of other apparitions and knew that the front entrance couldn't have possibly been meant for us, after a moment I gathered my wits and put my mask and robe on in the shadows of a long needle pine. I made my way along the perimeter, the boughs and brush cloaking my path, my legs guided me from memory, Malfoy manner always had unequaled grounds."

"The Malfoy's?" I murmured in surprise.

"We used to meet there, long ago, before the deatheaters even had a name." He put his head in his hands, smoothing out his hair.

"I entered through the trap door basement as we had done so long ago… "he snorted derisively… "like young boys hiding from their parents. No one was wearing their masks or robes; instead they had exchanged them for glamours…enchantments for youth. Each one looked as if he or she were in their early twenties, Voldemort included. I was off put by the whole scene, let alone meeting in a house, we haven't met inside for years." He raised his eyebrows… " it seems the monster feels no cold. He moved forward, the Dark Lord, from the crowd, young and handsome, curls framing his face, he insisted I dispense with the mask…and be myself. This request frightened me more than any Cruciatus curse ever could." Snape rested back on the bench and swallowed hard.

I wanted to get him a glass of water…anything to soothe him but I couldn't break the moment, it was rare that I was included in on all the details and I was greedy for information. I turned the chunk of snitch in my pocket and wondered if his tale would give insight on who had sabotaged it. He resumed his story,

"I obeyed." His body relaxed now, succumbing fully to the memory. "Not so taken aback as to forget my purpose I made a flourish with my robes and mask, almost throwing them to Voldemort, faking a sense of excitement. I know we both must have inhaled more than an evenings shareof the substance. He tossed them in the corner and pointed his wand at me, incanting a youth spell and fixing the glamour, everyone cheered, as I know it must have had a dramatic effect. They reached out for me and pulled me to the other side of the room where a full length mirror was inlaid in a chifferobe."

Snape paused and turned his head so that I could only see part of his profile.

"I was young and…handsome, my old 'friends' were surrounding me and at once it filled me with a deep joy and sorrow…for I knew that it was all false,… the glamour, …the evil that had pulled me in with smiling faces…it was the first time Tom had truly wounded me and it took every ounce of my strength not to breakdown."

The tears had reached the corner of my eyes and out of instinct I placed my hand on his arm. "Oh professor…" it was all I could say.

"We drank and talked of old stories, no one was punished and it seemed the evening was to conclude as a pointless trip back in time, until everyone was making to leave. I was retrieving the cloak and mask where they had been discarded, thinking that I would counteract the glamour in the back woods before I apparated away, when I was summoned by Voldemort from the hallway.

"Severus, do come join me in here, he motioned to another room just next to where we had our meeting. I struggled to drain my mind of all thoughts of the Order, the substance…all my feelings, he had alluded at the last meeting that he was suspicious that the teachers of Hogwarts were organizing and I had no doubt that his plan was to use Legilimancy on me. I walked towards him, uneasy over the fact that his features did not match the commanding mature stance with which he waited for me.

"He motioned to some chairs in a room filled with books, they were unorganized on the shelves and I assumed it must be an overflow from the family library. Although presumably storage space, it had been outfitted with a few comforts and I wondered if Voldemort came here often when he wasn't being 'the Dark Lord'."

Snape turned to me then commenting on his own feelings.

"The last few days have brought a clarity that has eluded me, for so long that I had almost forgotten it existed. I have been so caught in this man's insanity, the plotting of the Order, playing my role as 'Professor Snape' that I had forgotten there was anything else…for myself as well as other people, circumstances have existed for me as only a means to an end."

His confession undid my control and my tears flowed freely. I understood full well what he spoke of, " I know…when I visited Neville the same feeling had struck me, he was living his life and I was only reacting." Snape nodded his head in assent. He went back to the evening's events.

"We talked of a great many things and in the span of two silences I could feel him try to penetrate my mind, his attempt was markedly weaker than usual and I easily blocked both."

I was so relieved to hear this from Snape, his exhaustion the other day had worried me.

He heard me sigh with that relief and furrowed his brow.

"It is a good sign that he can not read my thoughts but I am worried over his new demeanor, it is more calm, the rage that characterizes every meeting was definitely diminished but he has a sharpened focus, much in the same way I have described my own change, and I fear that his plans may become more effective if he wishes to carry them out."

I swallowed and shook my head in understanding, saying a small prayer to myself , hoping that we had not made things worse by trying to make things better. Snape cleared his throat and went back to his recant.

"I had forgotten how intelligent he was, we talked about potions, business, and at one point charms…he could have been anything..." he shook his head in disappointment. " Tonight he was the man that had lured me in, charmed me with his brilliance and had made me feel that I had belonged."

This was too much and now I wanted to flee, leave his side and forget this plan. I wanted Snape back, with all of his bitter anger and stealth. My spine shivered as I admitted to myself how I longed for his protection. He didn't notice my reaction but went on;

"If I could keep him talking as we talked tonight I think there maybe some hope, his body and skills are superhuman but his mind retains a certain understanding of the world. If I could make him see, if I could make him enjoy something…anything, he might back off."

"But how? How could you do it with only words?"

"I don't know Hermione…but I've got to try…can you help me?" He looked at me so earnestly, that my heart constricted. I felt selfish at my last thoughts, I was afraid without his usual aggressive presence but as he had asked me the night before we presented our plan to the Order, I would keep my promise and not abandon him.

"He wants another meeting with me alone…that is strange and the fact that we're are at Lucius' house and he is not invited in must be killing him. We must be careful with Luscius, his treachery knows no bounds and he is one snake when provoked will definitely strike back." I agreed and was somewhat relieved that he had not lost his ability to consider all possibilities.

He rose from the bench and walked to the door. "I must tell Albus of our meeting and set him to thinking as well…I am to meet him again after the weekend and by then I'd like to have a plan."

My thoughts and emotions were in an upheaval, but at the last minute I remembered the snitch.

"Oh, professor wait. Harry retrieved part of the snitch." I drew it out of my pocket and walked to him, hand outstretched. "They are going to analyze it at the Ministry but Harry thought we might like a crack at it as well. There seems to be a residue on it and the Aurors found no magical energy.

He took it from my hand and pocketed it. "Good work, we can test it tomorrow after classes."

He exited. I must have turned and retrieved my things, made my way out and up to my room but I saw nothing…my eyes were blind to my physical world instead my mind worked feverishly on how I could help Snape. The task seemed insurmountable; he was planning on what, making a case for life? We had to convince Voldemort that something, anything was worthwhile…would it even work? At that moment I could have turned on the idea, I could have gone to Dumbledore and convinced him Snape was no longer fit, that the substance had worked in such a way that he no longer could fulfill his duties…

But I couldn't…this had become more than a way to save the wizarding world, or Harry Potter or Hogwarts even, it had become a way to salvage our humanity. If Snape could sway him, make him pause for the slightest moment to reconsider his actions, even if it was as he was bringing a wand down upon Harry, there in that second Voldemort would reveal his human frailty and it would give us the advantage to defeat him…my fear was that Snape's change would be so complete that he would no longer be able to kill him. It would have to be Harry in the end…as the prophecy had stated.

**AN:** Thank you for the very detailed reviews. I take to heart all the great advice and editing tips that all of you suggest. I hope that you find things moving a little faster.


	9. Employing Love

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters and never plan to make money on this story. It's just for fun and learning to write. Thanks to JKR.

**Employing Love**

It was Saturday and I was up with the sun, my mind whirred like a small engine all night, running in cycles over every detail of our two present problems. What was the residue on the snitch, and how was Snape going to manipulate Voldemort with only conversation as a weapon. The first was as big a mystery as the second and sleep was frightened away by the noise my mind had made all night.

I had decided that I would apparate to the public library in the morning; I needed a computer and references. The residue on the snitch was giving off no magical energy and so it must be assumed it's a muggle concoction. I also had a notion of how Snape might approach Voldemort at their next meeting. Snape and I would meet up in the lab after breakfast and I didn't want to come empty handed, I could still see his expression when he had asked for my help.

The library was still closed and locked when I arrived but I had remembered a back window in the basement that wasn't hooked to the alarm system, a quick aloha amora and I was in, thank goodness I had explored the discarded book section when I had volunteered that summer so long ago.

I quickly was ensconced at the computer terminal and booting up, all the while shaking my head at what technology could do for Hogwarts Library. I searched the electronic catalog and quickly found the two books I had been looking for, one on explosives and the other on Love.

The first text was technical, some history and even some ingredients for simple bomb making. It was towards the back that a chapter on foreign inventions caught my attention. The first entry was about plastic explosives or what I had heard of before as plastique…could the residue be something of this nature? I marked the page, checked my watch, it read 6 a.m. I knew I'd have to leave soon to avoid detection but I had to take a peek to see if there was anything worthwhile in "Love". The machinations of my mind last night had led me to an idea of what Snape could discuss with Voldemort, it had to come down to love, surely it couldn't start with love but through some hole, some crevice Snape had to not only work it into the conversation but try to make a case for it being worthy, proof that it was a reason for living; a raison d'etre, if you will. How this was to transpire I had not the foggiest notion.

The book started with the Greeks; Socrates, Plato, Shakespeare, the modern poets; all with different and sometimes contradictory ideas about love. My insides rolled over at the thought of presenting this to Snape, he may not be as biting but at the very least he would ignore it and sigh in disappointment that I failed to help him. My worst fear is that he would refuse due to lack of knowledge and experience, for what love did he know. Frustrated, I closed the book and left the library the same way I had come, promising to myself that I would bring the books back when we were finished.

The apparition point just to the left of Hogwarts gates was fiery red with the colors of autumn; my foot was just about to tread on the well-worn dirt path out of the woods when I heard great wings flapping above my head. It was not hundred feet away an enormous eagle flew low over the high stonewall, almost grazing its belly on the surface. Something was not right about the ascent, I crouched low behind a thick cedar and tapped my head with my wand, knowing that total invisibility was impossible but cloaking would have to suffice.

The eagle had landed in a small clearing, strutted back and forth, it wriggled its neck and when it did this I saw a loose leather string dangling like a necklace and tied to it was what looked like a small stick. In seconds the bird morphed and I held my breath while Luscius Malfoy untied a tight leather band from about his neck, he grabbed the small stick, spoke and the stick grew to what was now recognizably a wand.

He had been infiltrating Hogwarts as an unregistered animagi, no doubt tampering with the snitch and who knew what else now. I waited until he moved on, obviously and thankfully he didn't use our common apparition point. When it was safe to leave I fled, there was much to convey and not a moment to lose.

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Breakfast had just begun and I opened one side of the double doors but immediately I saw who was missing. They must have moved their meeting time up and where most probably in Dumbledore's office. McGonagall caught my eye, worried, no doubt over my ragged appearance; no robe, hair askew, I had no time for explanation, I let the door swing closed and took to the stairs two at a time.

Gasping out "praline truffle" I burst into the room.

"Professor Dumbledore!" I blurted out.

Snape and Dumbledore were at my side before I took another step, worry filled their faces.

"Miss Granger, you are hurt? Something has happened?" Dumbledore slipped his arm about my waist for support and Snape took the hand on my opposite side, they guided me to a chair and gently set me down, waiting for me to catch my breath.

"It is Luscius…I saw him outside the gates, he is an animagus, he's infiltrating Hogwarts grounds and quite probably was the one who sabotaged the snitch."

Snape said nothing but let go of my hand."

"This is most distressing. Severus we must have the teachers scour the grounds for anything unusual. If Luscius did explode the snitch he may have set something else in place already." Snape nodded in assent but as he was rising to leave I interrupted.

"Wait, there's more." I took out the two books that were in my messenger bag.

"I shall send a missive to Minerva to have the head boys and girls stand in for staff while the teachers search the grounds." He looked over to me more serious than I had ever seen him. " I'll tell her we will join them shortly." He dashed off the note and gave it to Fawkes; Dumbledore knew when Minerva saw Fawkes that things were of a very serious nature.

I flipped to the page on plastique and explained to Snape and Dumbledore that I thought Luscius was employing muggle tactics in order to remain anonymous. We could test the ingredients on the residue coating the piece of snitch in the lab today.

"The Malfoy's have friends and connections spanning Europe, he could easily get a hold of anything he needed, muggle that is." Snape remained calm but focused. He motioned to see the book I had opened and I held it forward, when he picked it up the book on Love was revealed underneath.

"What is this?" He looked up to me with knowing eyes.

"It's where the conversation must turn."

"To Love?" His eyebrows made an incredulous arch forcing ripples of wrinkles in his pale forehead.

"Yes, it is the only logical conclusion. However you begin, whatever method you employ it must end in a persuasion that love exists." I had not realized what a toll the morning had taken on me but my voice grew weary and fractured revealing my sleepless night, "…if Voldemort does not believe it exists…well…this has all been a waste." My hand went to my head in despair, feeling that he surely did not understand me and if he did was surely incapable of such a feat.

The silence that ensued drew out my gesture and sent a morbid pall over the room…until I felt a flourish of black robes.

"And we are lost already…is that what we are to take your demeanor to mean!…for it is I, devoid of all feeling, killer, spy, treacherous creature who will have to convince him. You are so very sure of yourself, so well loved and admired that you have convinced yourself that I have never known love…have never loved…because I have not paraded my feelings, wept over loss or been excused from my duties because of heartbreak. Perhaps we should question your depth of feeling, for it seems only to extend to sympathy and pity…vain and shallow excuses for love."

Dumbledore intervened, "…Severus, Hermione is exhausted, she has worked so hard…could you not forgive her a weak moment?"

I was speechless and bewildered, the force and vehemence with which Snape had stated his feelings was as if the past weeks had never occurred; his eyes flashed and robes fluttered, perhaps the fugum only lasts in the system for so long.

He had turned his back and when Dumbledore had beseeched him the tenseness in his shoulders had released and slowly he came back around.

"Yes, we are all under duress, please accept my apology Miss Granger and my gratitude for all your hard work…well done." He made a little bow and I nodded back quickly. As soon as he had come back he was gone again. I hated this plan

"I must check on my class quickly and then I shall be out to search the grounds with the others." He spoke to Dumbledore and then turned back to me. " Miss Granger, I 'll need your help to test the snitch….and no doubt to decipher the useful parts of this book." He tucked the book on Love tighter under his arm and left the room.

"Do not be angry with him Hermione…he is." Dumbledore shook his head, at a loss to describe Snape in any understandable way. "…such a man."

"I know sir."

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We found nothing on the grounds but at least everyone was alerted and we had formed a patrol for the evenings. Snape and I had been excused for the first couple of hours because we had to test the snitch but with so few professors we had volunteered for the midnight shift.

That morning I owled Harry to gather any information he could on plastic explosives or any other muggle devices that might fit the bill. If we could figure out where the supplier was we might be able to implicate Malfoy directly.

While we were working Hedwig delivered a message and a list of ingredients that might confirm my suspicion. Snape and I tested the residue for hours, never mentioning what had transpired in Dumbledore's office.

"Purple." It was his only word but I knew I had been right. The solution we had placed the residue sample in had turned purple. I lifted my head from where I had been applying more of the substance to the deatheater robes.

"Now we just have to find out where he bought it."

Snape eyed me appraisingly, "even for you that may prove impossible. As I stated the Malfoy's have connections and holdings all over Europe, and that is just what I know."

"Harry is working on it too."

"Now I am comforted."

I looked up again and he was smirking.

"I thought you had changed?"

"I have changed Miss Granger, but the world has not suddenly flipped upside down."

"I laughed." Soothed by the familiar.

"I have thought about my meeting and I think the method I will "employ", as you put it, will be the subject of Mr. Potter."

"Harry?" I questioned.

"Yes, he is an obsession of Voldemort's and he supposedly has cheated death by…"

"Love." I finished Snape's thought. "Yes, well done professor…it is the perfect segue."

My steps were light out to the grounds. Snape and I relieved Minerva and Lupin; we assured them we were not too exhausted, even though we both were.

The evening was crisp and bright, the moon, thankfully not full yet, was large enough to lighten our surroundings and cast long shadows from the trees on the lawn.

"Shall we walk the perimeter and then around the buildings first."

"Alright." I followed. His pace had slowed some in the past weeks but our difference in height would always force one of us to alter our speed, faster or slower.

We walked in silence past the gardens, the greenhouses, around the quidditch pitch…it was not until we were near the lake and the ripples of water were illuminated by the moonlight that I mentioned this morning.

"I owe you an apology Professor. I should not have intimated such things about your private life."

He looked on straight ahead. "It was your opinion and you have a right to that."

"But I know better now…and I am sorry, I made assumptions I shouldn't have." He stopped abruptly; his face changing, he looked away.

"You would not be the first…or the last I dare say and …I have not done much to prove things otherwise."

We walked on. I was so tired I said what came to me first and then regretted it.

"Was it very bad…your experience with love?"

He was silent.

"Did she not love you back?" Again I tried, disbelieving my own audacity.

"Yes." He spoke into the night, a quiet private admission.

"I am sorry for that." I looked up to him, his face softened by the moonlight and the substance too.

"The sympathy again Miss Granger" He chided softly. "Do not feel bad, I realized gradually …it was a death in small doses."


	10. Two Conversations

**AN:** Thank you for all the reviews, they mean a lot to me. I've italicized Voldemort's portion of the dialogue in hopes of making things less confusing.

Two Conversations

An order meeting was called, new information had to be parceled out and adjustments to our present course of action needed to be made. Minerva, Hagrid , Pomfrey and Flitwick stayed behind to patrol the school. Fortunately, there were no classes or study halls on Sunday and meals were more relaxed. Quidditch practice and matches had been canceled until further notice.

We needed to know what the Ministry was up to in their investigation of the accident and I needed to give Harry our findings from the testing. This was going to be a tricky meeting, Molly was surely going to be a stumbling block when she heard what Snape was going to attempt and I wasn't sure how we could convince her it was necessary and at this point, whether we had to. It wasn't that Snape was risking his life anymore than he had in the past but it had always been on the defensive, without him in place we never would have managed, but now this…this was an attack, although slow and measured, it was going at Voldemort in an entirely different way and because of the offensive nature we had more control over Snape's life now, true, Voldemort could summon him but we were adding more peril to every encounter.

This plan had become just as much about saving Snape as saving Harry and now I could see Snape had realized this from the beginning. Our conversation out on the grounds last night, his outburst in Dumbledore's office…he has begun to forgive himself, he's defending his character, people can't just assume, it's not alright and expedient anymore. He's a person and he wants to live.

The admission that he loved someone was more of a change than any polite or calm gesture could ever show. He let pass vulnerability and with it came a trust. Why had I been so foolish to believe he could not do this, not only penetrate the dark Lord's defenses but that he was the perfect…the only choice for the task?

Lupin had left last night for Grimmauld place after I relieved him on patrol. I arrived very early there myself for the meeting and we were presently in the kitchen having tea.

"Is Severus alright…still capable do you think?" Remus was worried; he knew very well the power that Voldemort possessed. "If he finds out about this…" he motioned with his hand, a simple gesture but it encompassed so much more than our surroundings; it meant our friends, our homes, our lives, Hogwarts, goodness, kindness and weakness "…he will surely destroy it."

"Professor Snape says at present Voldemort cannot penetrate his mind, but he is suspicious and if Lucius is sabotaging Hogwarts, than we can be pretty sure it is on Voldemort's orders."

Lupin was placated on Snape's abilities for the moment.

"And how are you Hermione, are you alright? Tonks is very worried about you…we both are."

"I can't say that I am fine…but…I do have hope."

Remus smiled at me, he had always trusted my judgment, there was something unspoken in our friendship.

"Then I do as well." He poured more tea out of the ancient pot and we were both startled when Tonks tripped over the door sash. We both smiled affectionately up at her.

"Hermione, Please forgive the other day. I can only do so much in the situation without drawing attention to my relationship with you all." Tonks pleaded.

"Not to worry Tonks, I think Din is trying to prove himself and he doesn't care who he offends or wrongly accuses, I'm not so naïve that I don't understand him."

"Your spot on there but now that you and Snape have detected the origins of the residue on the snitch Harry and I can pull him onto another path. He's not dense, once he sees that someone else is most likely responsible he'll change his course."

"I'm very glad to hear it."

"How is Snape holding up under the 'influence?" Tonks queried.

"A bit erratic but for the most part focused and calmer."

"Well that will be a blessing for you Hermione." And there it was, she had voiced my old selfish thought and who could blame her, he was difficult and nasty and why should anyone take the time to know different about him? I loved Tonks and I wasn't going to bite her head off, maybe in time she would see the situation differently.

"I don't think we should assume how Hermione is feeling." Remus gently admonished Tonks, while putting his arm around her. His display of affection and even words warmed me. He was in love and was allowing it to show, even to the point of disagreeing with her.

"Remus you know better than anyone how Hermione has become a buffer for Snape, he treats her poorly and uses her to avoid contact with everyone except Dumbledore. She is exhausted and I doubt getting much out of the apprenticeship at this point." Tonks looked angry and I know it was all out of worry but she didn't understand the situation as well. One thing she was right about was that I was tired, too tired for this conversation and thought I might slip by her questioning by feigning fatigue.

"Yes, well you are right, I am exhausted, do I have enough time for a nap before everyone else arrives?"

Remus understood and answered quickly, "Definitely, I lit a fire in the library and it's quiet there now."

"Thanks for the tea…and don't worry about me Tonks." I smiled and felt happy that I had them as friends.

Remus was right the library was warm and Molly had transfigured the upholstery on the furniture to give it a cozy, less drab feel. I curled up on the couch and drifted off quickly.

When I awoke my first sight was Snape sitting in the rocking chair near the fireplace reading what I recognized to be the book on "Love". He must have covered me with a blanket when he came in, I felt warm and woozy, the past few days had been physically and emotionally draining and my body was rebelling against the lack of sleep; one wonders how he maintained himself for so long on so little rest.

"Thank you for the blanket." I watched him reading.

He nodded his head.

"Is there anything you could use in there?" I hoped.

"There is much said and much contradicted."

I laughed. "Sometimes they even contradict themselves."

I sat up, pulling the blanket around my shoulders and drawing my legs in.

"I suppose it is good to know what civilizations great men think but I think love is put in to broad a context here, it is at one moment everything in nature, it is one man's passion and another man's prudence, it is beauty and it is ugly it is…a kiss and then it is only a gesture, like-mindedness in one phrase and disagreement in another."

"Reading everyone's opinion at once does make it seem capricious, I guess selfish in a way…but I don't really believe that." I leaned my head back into the corner of the sofa, my mind felt slow and sluggish from the nap.

"What do you believe, Miss Granger?"

"…Um, well, I'm not sure…anymore. I think sometimes love is near you and you don't recognize it…I'm realizing you have to be open to it…as for the context, it is broad, for me, there are many different kinds. But I think I am inexperienced…and sometimes confuse things for being love."

Snape put his head back and thought, I presumed about what I had said.

"It is I who should have apologized last night Miss Granger, my statements to you in Dumbledore's office were rude and unwarranted, you have never shown yourself to be anything but kind and helpful with people…I have a tendency to make good things seem bad."

" You did apologize, right after, and I don't think what you said to me was wrong…in fact, it was dead on."

He looked over at me and we locked eyes for a moment.

The door opened suddenly and to both our astonishment Neville walked in.

"Hermione, Remus said you were napping in here." He walked over and bent down to kiss me on the cheek. "Are you feeling alright?" He raised his arm and swept some hair behind my ear. I looked down uncomfortable and blushing from the gesture. I was embarrassed that Snape saw how Neville greeted me and wished we were in a crowded room."

"I hear the others arriving. Excuse me." Snape shut the book and left the room, closing the door behind him.

" Neville, what are you doing here? Earthly delights, who's watching it, you said you didn't want to be involved."

"Shhh," He placed his hand over mine. "Everything is OK. I 'm only here for the Order meeting and to give you some more of the fugum demonum."

"You are staying for the meeting?" I was happy that I wouldn't have to take on Molly alone.

"Yes,…and I also came to see you." He leaned in and kissed me on the lips. "I miss you when to many days go by now and there is no note and no excuse to come and see you."

My heart thudded at his declaration, there was no mistaking this now, he definitely liked me and he was pursuing. No one had ever really done this with me before, and it was…weird. I needed a place to go and think, but I couldn't so I got up and moved toward the door.

"It's good to see you too Neville." I opened the door and the Order of the Phoenix was seated out in the living room, it seemed, just waiting for us.

I left Neville's side and found a seat near Harry. Dumbledore brought the meeting to order and he relayed all the new information. How we thought Lucius was an unregistered Animagus and how we think he was the one that got past the wards and sabotaged the snitch.

"We could haul him in on the unregistered animagus charge." Tonks offered.

"Yes, Nypmhadora I thought you might suggest that but if you take him in now we may not be able to prove that he tampered with the snitch. I want to make sure Severus is cleared of that suspicion." Dumbledore was trying to stay ahead of the situation as usual.

He then explained that Voldemort had called for a private meeting with Snape and how Snape would attempt to begin a dialogue with him that may make him see things differently. I suppose if you had to sell this plan to a room full of people, it was the most innocuous way of presenting that we were in effect trying to change, even in the most minute way, the mind of a killer.

I looked over at Snape he was seated to Dumbledore's left trying to make eye contact with no one.

"Impossible, after what he has done, never, I don't care if you bury him in this concoction your using, there is no shred left, he isn't a person anymore." Molly took out her handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. "Severus, I'm sorry but this is just to dangerous, what if he knows what you're trying to do already."

I knew she was going to reject this plan and I could hardly blame her, her argument seemed like a voice of reason. Snape turned to her, and in a gesture I have never seen him use he put his hand on her back and patted her comfortingly, he spoke softly but we could all hear and we all marveled.

"Molly, there was always that fear…that I would be found out…it's the chance I take every time I leave Hogwarts with my Deatheater robes."

"No Severus this is different…you are not yourself…your…your …weaker now."

I had to hand it to Molly she didn't mince words, she was pulling out all the stops now, she was very afraid for him.

Snape shook his head but continued to soothe her, " No Molly, not weaker…calmer, clearer in a way. We all knew it would come to something drastic one day…it's part of the promise I made."

Molly was crying full on now and Arthur came over and coaxed her into the kitchen. What I wouldn't give to see Snape's face filled with indignation or even disgust, but he was so serene, so complacent about what he had to do. I had to turn away.

Snape got up from his chair and started for the door but hesitated and turned, he looked to where I was sitting next to Harry, he spoke to the whole room but I felt the words were for us alone.

"Molly is quite right, we are attempting the impossible, but I have been studying…" he glanced down at his book… " and it seems when love is the subject the impossible seems possible and we have only to look, it is closer than we think." He bowed and left us in a hushed silence.

I looked about the room, they had not seen the changes gradually as I had, and the contortion of expressions belied their shock.

"I didn't know …" Harry whispered to me.

"No one did." I squeezed his hand in reassurance, for it's a blow to know that you have been wrong about someone for so long…

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We had a quiet dinner, no one was in the mood for conversation, there was much to digest and most of it had nothing to do with dinner. It was decided that we would keep up the patrols of the grounds at night, Hagrid would be asked to warn some of the forest animals to be on the lookout for any curious eagles, in the hopes that we could catch Lucius in the act. The Malfoy's were known to have friends at the Ministry and on the Board of Governors of Hogwarts, which meant proving him of foul play, would never be easy.

I got back to the lab late, hoping to look into my wolfsbane project a bit, but when I opened the door I saw the note immediately.

Dear Miss Granger,

I have been summoned early. He likes to hold the cards. I don't know if this will be the private meeting or other Order Members will be present, never the less I have brought my robes and hope to have the chance to release the substance. The book you gave me and our conversation today has helped me greatly, you have showed me that love exists differently for everyone, I have only to find, I hope, where it is in Tom and flesh it out; easier said then done… but I have hope.

S.Snape.

Mundane tasks were all that I would be good for now; at least there was the patrolling of the grounds, that would make the time pass faster waiting for his return. I 'll alert Hagrid of Snape's absence and he will be my partner for rounds.

Midnight crept slowly, the hands on my watch seemingly exhausted by the exertion of advancement and resting longer and longer between the minutes. Snape had not returned and I cleaned the lab and left early for patrol. Minerva and Lupin were just coming up the steps of the main entrance. They had heard from Albus that Snape had been called away and they already alerted Hagrid that he would be covering his patrol.

"All was quiet, not even and errant leaf falling." Lupin smiled but eyed me, looking to see if I had been affected by the unexpected summons of Snape. I smiled to halt his worrying.

"Hagrid is at his hut, he said to come down straight away." Lupin was firm, I'm sure so that I wouldn't get the idea to patrol by myself.

"I'm headed there now…you will come find me if you see him…if you see professor Snape first?" My agitation could not be contained.

"Of course my dear." Minerva reassured me.

I made my way down to Hagrid's, the front door was open and I assumed he was expecting me. I walked in, without knocking.

" Hagrid?" He was nowhere to be seen.

I walked out of the hut and went around back to the garden; I thought I might have missed sight of him behind a pumpkin or some tangle of vines. I searched, but it proved fruitless. This wasn't right, so I pulled out my wand. Perhaps he was having a talk with some forest creatures, explaining about the eagle, beseeching them to help us keep watch.

I walked into the forest a few feet, never comfortable without the half giant at my side, having been warned so many times not only by teachers that it was dangerous but also by Harry.

"Hagrid!" I called out into the night; my lantern flickered from the breeze.

I took another tentative step forward and listened, at first I thought I heard a rustle but no sooner were feathers passing close, white tips brushing my cheek and a strong beak resting me of my wand.

I watched him land and transform, he tugged at the leather strap about his neck holding his own wand. His blonde hair glowed in the darkness.

"Miss Granger, you should know better than to be out at night alone, there are all sorts of dangerous creatures about. I don't think it even safe for giants."

"Where is Hagrid?" I was worried now, he looked smug.

"Expelliarmus" He blew me back and I hit the garden fence, all went black.

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"Miss Granger, Miss Granger!" I opened my eyes slowly; someone was patting my hand and calling my name. I know the voice, but not the face.

"Professor?"

The face looked relieved and moved to help me sit up. He was tall and dark, his body lithe as it shifted to help me move. My eyes focused and I looked in front of me on the grass where I had dropped my lantern, the eyes of a discarded Deather mask, illuminated by the lantern, glowed like a jack-o-lantern.

"Yes Miss Granger, I am only now back…I heard a commotion and cut over from the main entrance, I was just about to … and he pointed his wand at himself and incanted a spell I wasn't familiar with. He was himself again.

"You were so young."

"Yes, I once was. Now let's get you inside…what happened?"

" It was Lucius.." it all came back, the wings the transformation… the spell.

"I knew he would be angry…it was a private meeting with Voldemort, Lucius thinks we are discussing him."

"We must find Hagrid, I came down to get him for patrol, but Lucius took my wand, he was the eagle and he said it was even too dangerous for Giants." I knew I was babbling but I was so worried about Hagrid.

Snape was going over me with his wand, checking my vital signs.

"You seem to be unharmed."

"Hermione…Professor? Hermione I've been lookin fer ya, herd you cryin out in the ferbidden forest, I was comin back fer help." Hagrid looked confused.

"It was Lucius, he played a trick on us Hagrid, making you believe I was in the forest and then taking my wand and hitting me with a spell."

"Can you make it back to the castle?" Snape asked.

"Yes, I think so." I got up slowly and seemed fine. "My wand."

"That'll be the one I found outside." Hagrid handed it over.

We left Hagrid berating himself for his lack of prowess.

"He made you wear the glamour again." I asked having already seen the answer to my question.

"Yes. He had his on as well."

"How did you do?"

"He wanted to talk strategy, when and where would be the best time to strike Harry. I took this as my opener to explore the depth of his emotions, to see if there was only hatred. We discussed previous attempts and why they had failed." He looked over to me his brows knitted.

" You know that I must seem convincing or he will kill me."

A chill ran through me but I nodded in understanding.

" I put forth Albus' reasoning that his mother's love protected him, that her sacrifice was out of love for her child and the power of that love suffused through him."

"What was his reaction?"

"Oh, he has heard this before but I think he is giving it more weight…I don't know if it is because of the other failed attempts or because of the substance he is seeing things differently? I was able to broach the subject of love in general then, an exploration to better understand what we were up against."

"I told him that I had been working on a potion that may neutralize this effect but I believed I was still missing some ingredients and that I had been studying the many forms love takes so that I might find some clue."

"You are quite brilliant…sir." I was in awe of the line that he had to walk; to lean to heavily to one side and Voldemort would surely suspect to lean the other way was would be to jeopardize Harry and most of the wizarding world.

"If I were brilliant I would not find myself in such a position." He laughed at himself and my compliment.

"He knows nothing of love, nothing of what I believe or I think what even you believe Miss Granger, he is a novice, a babe on the subject and I think because of this I could get the upper hand. Like a babe he is curious, he sees that there is something to it, intellectually he can't explain it, but magically he senses there are things out of his reach…and this is where we could win."

"Did he ask you questions?"

"No not questions, more like tests, he wanted to know what I knew, he was probing my understanding. He must have read some things in school and with his fantastic memory he could dredge them up by wrought. The classics, in the muggle sense were more prevalent in Hogwarts curriculum when he attended; he is familiar with the Greeks."

"_When touched by Love, we are all poets"_ He said, as if reciting from a page but he looked to my reaction.

"Potter, a poet?" We both laughed derisively.

"I was building trust…you see." Snape looked at me sheepishly.

"Yes, of course professor." I smirked knowing he had enjoyed it anyway.

"We discussed the difference between a mother's love and romantic love, which he has known neither. He asked me if I thought either of them worthwhile…now here I had to tread carefully, to much honesty and the conversation could shut down, not enough real opinion and I could seem false."

"How did you answer professor?" My attention was rapt.

"I told him, yes, they were worthwhile and I almost closed my eyes for fear of the wrath of a scorned child might descend down on me. When no rage had surged I knew that the substance was helping. He just looked at me as if for the first time realizing that my life was not wholly made of being his servant, that I may have had love without him realizing."

"_Severus, this potion may be what we need to finish the task."_

"He said, more intensely.I responded with";

"Yes, but as I have said there is still something missing, a key ingredient that slips passed me on every try, I don't know if it is a nightshade or a flower petal or something far more intangible, the neutralization of love once started naturally has defied all my attempts."

"_Perhaps the potion needs more evil, an opposite to this Love?"_

"And now I knew we could discuss freely. I went on";

"…So you think evil an opposite to Love, how much? A murderer's blood, an ogre's hair? I am having trouble with the intensity, for I think Love to be quite intense, such as was Lily's love for Potter, must not an equal amount be sought to neutralize it? I have tried dizzying amounts of the aforementioned with no avail."

"He paused for a moment thinking, his wavy hair rested on his brow and I couldn't help but think that this age that he had chosen to show me must be very close to how Harry had seen him down in the chamber. He was puzzling, trying out answers and discarding useless information, I thought of the shameful waste of his mind. He then responded,"

_"Perhaps it is not evil you need? Maybe it is more love, so much so that it burns, drowns him so that his desire for more is lost."_

"Now that Miss Granger, is brilliance…to have never known love but to have such insight."

"But do you not think Love feeds love…sir…do you agree that there can be to much?" I was confused.

"When one has been deprived, even crumbs can choke us." I could tell he spoke of himself as well.

I thought of Harry's life with the Dursley's…and even my reaction to Neville's advances and had to nod my head silently in agreement.


	11. An Unsure Destiny

"

Disclainer: J.K. Rowling and her publishers own it all, they are very kind to let us play around with the characters. This is all in fun, no money derived, ever.

**AN**: Hope everyone enjoys the long weekend. I've been enjoying many one-shots lately, great writing going on out there! Cheers

**An Unsure Destiny**

Lupin and Minerva met us at the front entrance of the castle. We told them everything that had transpired and against my will Snape had insisted that Professor McGonagall escort me up to the Hospital Wing.

"But I'm fine…I just walked back from Hagrid's." my protestations fell on deaf ears. I watched as Snape spoke past me to Minerva.

"I think she was unconscious for a few seconds, when I found her she didn't rouse immediately."

When he said that I thought of the sight of him when I had opened my eyes, he was hovering over me, disguised in a glamour, one that made him appear younger. The lines in his face were smooth; his eyes were clear but no less bright. He had always had that look of intelligents; there was something definitely behind the eyes.

We went our separate ways, Poppy checking me out for injuries and Snape meeting with Dumbledore, wearisome prospects at this time of night. When I had finished I headed across the wing to take a flight down to my rooms and we met up again near the stairs.

"Miss Granger, I take it Poppy has given you permission to leave?"

"Yes, I haven't just escaped, I would fear the consequences to much."

"As well you should, I am not even that brave." We caught each other's eyes and laughed. After a brief hesitation Snape suggested we have a drink in his office. I agreed, although I was exhausted ,Malfoy had frazzled my nerves but I thought maybe he would tell me what Dumbledore thought of the whole incident.

We descended together…it had almost escaped my notice until we reached the dungeon that we had matched step for step the entire way, one never lagging or the other outpacing.

He let me in and lit a fire, pulled over a chair in front of his desk and then slipped behind the old mahogany secretary; it was a low one without the hutch but with no fewer drawers, beautiful in a worn rubbed sort of way. He opened the bottom drawer and removed one glass and the scotch.

I looked away, trying not to notice that he only had one glass, unaccustomed to drinking with anyone. I saw out of the periphery that he had reached behind him for a teacup, which he then transfigured into a companion tumbler.

"Miss Granger."

I took the proffered drink but held it low on my lap and watched as Snape took a long slow sip of his. He settled back and stared at his glass.

"The headmaster and I feel that…you should restrict your movements to the castle…for the time being." He didn't look up. He knew I would protest.

"Lucius doesn't scare me…" He eyed me disapprovingly. "Well..alright…he does scare me but I won't let him control me."

"Miss Granger…Hermione, he has for some reason singled you out for torment, more so than the others involved…it will not be forever." He was reasoning and there was a quiet almost pleading in his voice that I couldn't ignore.

"Very well, but I'm not happy about this." I knew it had sounded petulant but really being restricted from leaving the castle, it was like admitting defeat.

We were quiet then and he finished his drink. If I were going to ask him it would have to be now. I cleared my throat in preparation.

"Why do you think he makes you wear the glamours." His eyes looked over to me above the rim of his glass.

"At first I thought it was a way of setting me off balance, although he lords his power over me, on some level I believe he fears me as well. I don't think I could have maintained my position as long as I have without that. Now I think it is a device to bring us back, back to a time when we were first starting out, schoolboys in a way, exploring our opportunities, sharing our insights. I think the fugum has prompted the desire, he may feel the serenity of youth, the blissful not knowing and the pleasure of anticipation for what will come?"

"Do you feel that as well?" I asked slowly and deliberately.

"To some extent…yes." He looked up to me and I sensed he was getting ready to see me out, but I couldn't help myself, my curiosity…my fascination had the better of me.

"Does the glamour enhance that feeling?"

He sighed, tired of my personal questions with a bit of the old Snape showing through.

He shrugged his shoulders, … "only when someone sees me with it on…as you did tonight"

I took a sip from the transfigured glass, the edge was rough and the weight felt wrong but the contents were having the desired effect. It burned going down but the warmth was what I needed.

"Do you think youth…looks are part of the equation…the formula for love? The missing ingredient you spoke to Voldemort about?" I had taken another sip and my spine relaxed back into the chair. Snape's eyes shone bright and I could tell he was considering my question.

"I am sure they are part of some kind of love, no doubt the kind that has eluded myself" He motioned to his person and smiled a genuine smile. It was disarming. He saw me struggle with my reaction and he quickly went back to business

"If you will excuse me Miss Granger I have a potion to make."

"Not the one you told Voldemort you were making, the love potion…the one he thinks will neutralize Harry? I understand the need to be convincing but what if he tries to actually use it on him?"

"Yes, I've been thinking on that. I plan to stall as long as possible and when the time is right, at the final confrontation I will give it to Tom instead, but in so doing pour it on him…drown him in it…to use his words."

I paused mid sip to question his tactics, "to what effect do you think you'll achieve by doing this?"

He shrugged his shoulders as if realizing just then that he would have to tell me the truth of his plan, "…coupled with the effects of the substance I think for one moment he will be opened up to the feelings of pure love…after which, Harry will cast the killing curse and Tom…" He faltered here, there was a sorrow to the explanation. "… will be weakened by anguish…realizing what he had been missing, and hopefully succumb."

I shuddered at the calculation; he saw me tremble.

"I understand the evil that is necessary for this to work." He admitted this lonely truth and rose to see me out with an air of finality.

"Miss Granger I almost forgot, could you owl Mr. Longbottom I need to discuss something concerning the substance."

"Yes of course…" I paused expecting him to tell me his questions as well but I realized soon enough that he had no intention of telling me what he wanted to discuss with Neville, I retreated back to my rooms.

It was late and it was all I could do to change and crawl into bed. Closing my eyes brought images of the recent events, I thought of Voldemort and wondered if Snape's love potion would work, I imagined them as their younger selves, speaking so calmly about murder and love.

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Thank goodness for the requirements of teaching, classes flowed well and it gave my mind a rest, just before lunch I went to the owlery to send Neville a note that Professor Snape wanted to see him concerning the substance. After the order meeting had broken up the other night I had slipped past him and back to Hogwarts. I'm sure he was confused that I hadn't lingered but with everything in a turmoil his advances, no matter how sweet, were more than I could handle.

When I passed through the opening into the breezy owlery I immediately noticed Hedwig perched at one of the high arching windows.

"Hedwig?" She never rested over at Hogwarts but rather flew right back to Harry's after delivering a note.

I approached her cautiously and stroked her silky wing feathers, she hooted and turned her head 180 degrees, staring into my eyes intently and then back around to stare out onto the grounds of Hogwarts.

"Are you sick?" I inspected her body and feathers for sign of injury. "No, you seem fine. Maybe you're just hungry?" I fished in my pocket for an owl treat; she pecked at it with seeming disinterest. I made a mental note to tell Harry about this next time I saw him, but for now I couldn't linger. I attached my note to one of the school owls, Reggie, and told him to take it to Neville Longbottom. No sooner had I seen Reggie off than Hedwig flew off as well. Strange…

I found Professor Snape in his lab, stealing an hour between classes to work on what I assumed was the love potion.

"Can I help?"

He was silent for a time, his face relaxed but his movements assured, I came close to peek at the ingredients and was disappointed by the lack of energy that exuded from him. Although his comments and manner used to infuriate me, even threw me into depression at times, they were addicting in a way. His former habits kept me on my toes, alert to my faults but now we were falling into a comfortable friendship and I let slip a slight sigh, mourning for our old dynamic.

"The flask with the atomizer, can you take the top off?"

An ancient looking perfume bottle stood just in front of the cauldron, it was green glass, opaque with a yellowed atomizer attached to the top. My muggle sensibilities overwhelmed me, as they were known to do on occasions in the wizarding world, to see the delicate perfume flask being filled with a love potion whose use was for destroying an evil Lord. I was lost in the thought that my life had become a bizarre fairytale, when Snape asked me again for the bottle.

"Filius has charmed the atomizer, it will deliver the entire contents when squeezed." He placed the top back on the bottle and set it down on the worktable. "I've enhanced the strength with unicorn blood and baby tears."

I shuddered at the thought of the ingredients and my stomach turned.

"I'm beginning to understand why muggles debate so much over the death penalty."

Snape eyed me curiously, and a faint smirk lurked beneath his unemotional expression.

"This is macabre." I looked over to the atomizer.

He flicked his wand to clean his cauldron out, "…from what I know the muggles wobble on justice, it's one of their many problems."

My disgust was getting the better of me, the whole scenario was hitting me and even though I knew Voldemort was a monster and that he would undoubtedly kill Harry if not stopped this just seemed wrong.

"I wish I could do this properly, nonviolently…I wish I could go back in time and rescue him from himself, if only things had been different."

"You don't believe in destiny Miss Granger?"

"I don't know what I believe in anymore."

A silence set between us that was unfamiliar, we were learning more about each other and with each piece of information the other was changing, depth was being added to our burgeoning friendship. Before, the silence signaled a break period, a time out of the usual barbs, comments and occasional admiration but now we were dwelling on substantives, we were learning who the other one was.

"And you?" I knew most wizards believed in some form of destiny.

"It seems that the tight fabric of my notions on life in general have been pulling apart, what I once thought was my destiny has clouded and I am unsure of where things may lead. Perhaps there is no such thing as destiny…or perhaps the circuitous, oft times surreal route we are taking has fooled us into thinking that we are acting alone."

"I don't like being fooled." I was looking deep into his eyes and they reflected a searching expression.

"Nor I." He broke the gaze and turned back toward the table.

He withdrew his pocket watch. "Lunch, I must keep my strength up for your particular brand of legilemency, Miss Granger." He smiled, releasing the over dramatic tension we had built for ourselves. I laughed softly at his attempt at humour and we left together for lunch.

By days end I was exhausted, a permanent state for me lately and all I wanted to do was go to bed after dinner but there were a stack of first year papers to be graded and I didn't want anything piling up…if I was needed at short notice. My office was not in the dungeon but on the same floor as my room and although it proved inconvenient at times I was thankful for the warmth and windows that was nonexistent way downstairs.

When I arrived at my door I was surprised to see it ajar. Who would have been inside? who knew my password? I felt for my wand and drew it out then pushed the door open.

"Lumos." The room was empty but I immediately saw a note on the desk written in Neville's handwriting. That was odd, I was sure he wouldn't reply at least until tomorrow evening. Reggie was the best owl at Hogwarts but even he couldn't do transatlantic messages in less than 24 hours.

Hermione,

I got your note at Grimmauld Place, never left after the Order Meeting. We all couldn't get over the display Snape made and we talked of it til quite late. I'm meeting with him now. Would you care to meet me down at the Greenhouse garden, at 8? Professor Sprout said she wouldn't mind if we came.

Until then,

Neville

I thought it odd that Neville hadn't rushed back to 'Earthly Delights' after last night; he was so insistent that they couldn't spare him. All I wanted to do was turn in early but I knew I owed Neville some time, it wouldn't be right not to see him, especially after he really took a risk and expressed his feeling the other night. Problem was I had pushed that incident into a corner of my mind, intending to address it at a later time, maybe after…after what I chided myself, after the downfall of Lord Voldemort? No I needed to see Neville and either set him straight or allow myself to explore this possibility. I slipped the note into my pocket and told my wand "nox".

The corridors had a faded grey light emanating from the windows at the far ends. I could still see where I was going but by the time I made it down to the greenhouse it would be dark night. I thought of my promise to Snape and Dumbledore to remain in the castle but this couldn't wait, it wouldn't be fair to Neville, to snub him and as I walked I realized it wouldn't be fair to me either. I thought of my conversation with Snape today and bit my lip…If there was a destiny it sure was prickly to know whether you were following it correctly. I laughed to myself over what Snape would have said to that idea prior to his change: _Miss Granger, destiny is not a subject you can receive an "O" in, it is your life, now go live it and leave me alone!_


	12. Careless

**Careless **

I stopped on the second floor to get a lantern from the utility closet and I made my way down to the front entrance. The castle was quiet, students were in their common rooms or the library working on assignments, Filch off somewhere…well, being Filch.

Dusk was in front of me and darkness rolled at my heels, I wanted to get down to the greenhouses as fast as I could. If truth be told the other night's encounter had scared me more than I had let on and now every noise on the grounds made my heart flutter. The lantern cast only a soft glow and most of that I had to aim at my feet to prevent tripping over the uneven terrain that was Hogwart's grounds. The moon was half full and I saw the weak beam glistening on the lake water just in time, knowing I had to cut right for the greenhouses. As my vision faded my lantern seemed brighter and I raised it up, my heart was hammering now and I broke out into a light jog but my foot caught on something and I almost tumbled over but I righted myself in time and immediately positioned the lantern down towards the ground.

The white of her feathers illuminated the heap that she lay in, one wing tucked in protectively and the other spread out on the grass. I bent down to stroke her, setting my lantern beside Harry Potter's owl. She stirred frantically but within seconds she recognized me as friend not foe.

"What is it girl, what happened?" I gingerly felt her soft body for injuries and when I was sure it wouldn't hurt her I drew her near me. The contracted wing was injured and red blood seeped slowly near the bend on the inside. Hedwig was large and I knew I couldn't carry both her and the lantern so going back to the castle was out of the question. I had to find Neville, he could carry her and I could light the way with the lantern.

My mind went back to the owlery as I ungainly rose with her in my arms. The memory of her intense gaze on me and then her taking off after my messenger owl gave me a chill of foreboding. I quickened my pace and started shouting for Neville and Professor Sprout. They hadn't heard me because when I came to the door of the greenhouse it was still closed. I banged on it with my foot to get their attention, Hedwig hooted weakly and tears pricked at my eyes.

"Shh, it's alright, Professor Sprout will know what to do."

Neville opened the door, looking flustered.

"Hermione, what happened?" He looked at the prone form of Hedwig in my arms.

"I don't know, I just found her on the grounds like this, she's hurt. I need Professor Sprout."

Neville came outside and closed the door behind him,

"Uh…she's not here right now…why don't we take her to Hagrid's, he'll know what to do."

I agreed quickly, in the realm of creatures Hagrid was like a mediwitch.

"My lantern is just over there."

Hagrid soothed Hedwig immediately and with the self assuredness of a mother brought her inside to his table.

"Looks like she's been in a fight?" Hagrid dabbed off the blood and carefully felt her bones.

Neville and I stood by, eyes wide.

"Broken, poor thing."

"Can you help her?" I asked with a lump in my throat.

" She needs a charm, I know the one but can't do it meself, Poppy'll help. Why don't I take er up/" Hagrid looked up and seemed to comprehend it was us for the first time. "You two follow, Hermione I think uve been told to stay in the castle." Hagrid looked at me knowingly, it wasn't often he scolded but gentle as it was I felt selfish now.

"It's my fault Hagrid, I had to see her after what happened. I was worried." Neville explained and Hagrid was satisfied, he understood worrying about people and he smiled approvingly.

"You see to it she don't come up alone."

I hated being talked around but I understood their concern. When Hagrid left Neville gestured for me to follow him out, but I hesitated near the door.

"Neville, who told you what happened the other night? I never said anything in my note."

He paused and turned his head slowly to me.

"Oh,... Professor Sprout owled me, thought I should know."

We walked back to the castle keeping Hagrid a few paces ahead.

"I hope Hedwig will be alright, I wonder what could have happened to her?"

I stopped in my tracks, "Oh Neville it could have been Lucius, she may have been attacked by him." _But why, I thought, why Hedwig_?

Neville was nervous and pulled me closer to him.

"Hermione, I know this probably isn't the right time but I really needed to see you." He held my shoulders in his hands and looked down on me. "I think I'm falling in love with you Hermione. I think I've loved you for a long time."

I flushed with embarrassment and thought that this indeed was a bad time.

"I…I.."

"Don't say anything just yet, think about it."

He took my face in his hands and bent down to kiss me, a soft tender kiss. It was hard to know how I felt under the present circumstances and I was beginning to fear that Lucius could be lurking somewhere in the trees.

"Neville," I clasped his hand, "…we should get back it may not be safe out here."

We ran together and caught up with Hagrid who had almost reached the entrance.

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Snape was doing his rounds when we came in with Hedwig.

"What's this all about? He looked over to me, acknowledging that I had been coming in from outside."

"Isn't that Potter's owl?"

Hagrid was gruff in his greeting to Professor Snape and this uncharacteristic behaviour silenced Snape's questions for the moment.

"Have to get her to Poppy, not now Professor!" Hagrid pounded up the stairs.

Neville left my side and followed Hagrid up, I assumed not wanting to be in Snape's company anymore than he had to.

"Miss Granger? What is the meaning of this!" He boiled over as I had not seen in weeks and then with an anguished resolve he deflated.

"Please don't be angry, I had some personal things to attend to…and then I found Hedwig on the ground…injured."

"What personal things could you possibly have to attend to that could be more important than your own life." He was speaking so calmly it was almost more frightening than if his emotions were in a rage.

I didn't want to tell him but I couldn't think of any other excuse.

"Neville wanted to talk to me in the greenhouse and….well, it was of such a nature that I couldn't refuse."

Snape's eyes flashed with some sort of recognition.

"Careless, both of you." He left me standing in the entrance hall feeling miserable and tears welled in my eyes. He was right I had been careless; careless to have not seen Hedwig's agitation in the owlery, careless not to decline Neville's invitation and worst of all careless for what I now realized were my growing feelings for Snape.


	13. Chapter 13

**Not until they're gone**

After the confrontation with Snape I went up to the infirmary to check on Hedwig. Poppy was bandaging her and Hagrid and Neville were standing nearby.

"Hermione." Neville came over to me. "Madame Pomfrey says she should be fine."

"We have to get word to Harry." All I could think of was Harry looking frantic, wondering where his owl had gone.

"We could talk to him through the fireplace, he may want to come tonight?" Neville suggested.

"You can use mine…in the office." Poppy motioned me to help myself.

Luckily, Harry had been home studying for an Auror exam. He was understandably upset but I managed to convince him that Hedwig would eventually be fine. He insisted on apparating tonight and I promised someone would meet him at the gates in a half an hour.

I came out of Poppy's office to relay the information when Dumbledore walked into the infirmary.

"Severus has told me, how is Hedwig?"

"She's a right strong bird professor, with a little rest and a course her master she should be right as rain in no time." Hagrid petted her head.

"Harry's on his way, someone needs to meet him at the gate." I interjected.

" I can go, no trouble." Hagrid volunteered.

"Professor Dumbledore, when I was in the owlery yesterday Hedwig was there, she seemed agitated and when I sent a note out with one of the school owls she took off to follow him."

Dumbledore thought for a moment, silently stroking the snowy owl.

"Strange…these types of owls are very perceptive…I will ask Harry if he sent her or if she came on her own. Please direct him to my office after he has visited with her." Dumbledore bid us goodnight and left.

"I should really leave too Hermione, it's late and I'm sure you're tired and want to see Harry." Neville looked to me with a yearning.

"Yes, I'm exhausted…but wait Neville." He had started to leave.

"Hermione I don't think now is a good time."

He doesn't think it's a good time? I was confused; it was him that kissed me on the way back to the castle.

"Wait…Neville, I can't let this go on…you see I have feelings for someone else…strong feelings, I'm just now realizing." He looked bewildered as I tried to explain.

"Sometimes you don't realize you love someone until they're out of your life for a while." _I thought of the many times in the last few weeks I had wished that Professor Snape was here…yes of course he was here, but he wasn't the one I had started to care for, the one who was annoying and volatile, the one I trusted with my life. He held himself back now, he suppressed his passions. True, he was hard to handle before but he was genuine. I missed his reactions, his comments, his intensity. They were harsh at times but in the end he was making me a better person. I saw glimmers of him over the past few weeks, like tonight, and those fleeting moments made my heart ache. It seemed that when this adventure all started I was looking forward to Snape changing and now that he had I just wanted him back._

"I knew it would always be Harry in the end." Neville sounded angry and with surprise I took a step back.

"Harry?"

"Of course, I'm nice but I'm not blind Hermione." Neville dug around in his pocket for something furiously and for one ridiculous moment I thought he was reaching for his wand; instead he pulled out a vial.

"Here's another batch of the substance, I forgot to give it to Snape when I saw him earlier. I've…I've got to go."

He looked away and started walking for the doors; just then, Harry came in, pale and flustered. "Neville where is she?"

"Both your girls are over there."

This was awful, Neville was very upset and under a misapprehension, although for the time being him thinking I was in love with Harry was probably better than him knowing I was in love with Snape.

"Harry she's better, come see her." Neville would have to simmer down before I could talk to him and right now why and what had happened to Hedwig was more important.

Harry opened the cage door and Hedwig scooted out onto his arm, they put their heads together, consoling each other after being apart.

"What happened out there?" Harry looked to me.

"I found her on the ground, we don't know what happened."

"Lucius?" Harry said through gritted teeth.

"That's what I think."

"Did you send Hedwig here yesterday with a note for someone?" Harry shook his head negative to my question.

"She was here, in the owlery…I think she's following the messenger owls."

"Why?"

"I don't know yet…" I looked to Hedwig and smiled she was cooing in Harry's ear and trying to nibble the edge of it.

"She's definitely coming around."

"How come Neville was here?" Harry eyed me with a smirk.

"Oh Harry, don't look at me that way….he's very nice and I tried to even convince myself that maybe I should give it a try…but it's just no use, that's why I was down near the greenhouses tonight, he wanted to see me." I flushed with embarrassment.

"Did you just tell him? He seemed a bit weird."

I shook my head yes, "…just before you got here."

"Oh, Dumbledore wants you to go up to his office before you leave."

"I think I'll stay at the castle tonight…it's late. Hey, you should go to bed. Thanks for saving her."

"Of course, I love her…almost as much as you do…right girl. I just wish she could talk." Hedwig cooed back to me and for the first time tonight I felt a bit better.

"Oh Mione, before I forget, Tonks and I found a possible supplier that Lucius used for the plastique. He's a French wizard and an old friend of the Malfoy family. Tonks and I went to check him out this week. His family owns a vineyard in southern France, we posed as vacationing muggles."

"And?"

"His name is Brun, his family has been connected with fireworks for generations, they've also been suspects in crimes both in the wizarding and muggle world."

"Really…did you see him there."

"No, one of the house elves at the estate said Monsieur Brun junior was running their other vineyard in the states. Din is making the transatlantic apparition tomorrow to check him out and possibly make a solid connection."

" That takes the pressure off Professor Snape."

"Definitely, he's no longer on our suspect list. Tell him for me…would you?"

"Sure. Night Harry."

"Hermione, be careful and stay inside the castle, no more midnight rendezvous', Okay?!" He raised his eyebrows.

I punched him in the arm, how could Neville think it was Harry, he was so much my brother.

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I left the hospital wing and should have gone to bed but I couldn't leave things with Snape the way they had ended tonight. I could say that I had good news to tell him and maybe that would help to smooth things over. I rushed along the corridors and down the dungeon stairs wanting so much to see him, be near him.

Instead of knocking I just pushed the heavy door to the lab open, but as soon as I eyed the worktable I knew he had been called away. A note was all I had of him tonight and my spirits sagged. I picked it up.

Miss Granger,

Should I be detained past tomorrow have my 5ths make the blood-replenishing potion, remember it should look like a fine burgundy, don't let the dunderheads drink it!

As for those papers I asked you to mail please refrain until further notice, there is a matter I want to clear up first.

I expect you will be quite busy with me gone, so much so that you will find no time to leave the castle. If you require an ingredient from Professor Sprout send McGonagall and Lupin down to find her.

S.Snape

I read the letter twice and shook my head. It made no sense at all. First, the blood-replenishing potion wasn't burgundy, it was green. He hadn't asked me to mail any papers and we were fully stocked on ingredients. No, this was strange…it's a message within message, I'm sure of it.

I ran up to Dumbledore's office, he and Harry were sitting near the fire.

"Miss Granger, I thought you had long since gone to bed?"

"No, sir, I went to see professor Snape and look at his note…it makes no sense…I think he's trying to tell us something."

Dumbledore perused the note looking somewhat confused.

"Blood Replenishing potion is green, I have no mail to send out and he knows we need nothing from Professor Sprout." I explained.

Dumbledore and Harry looked at each other.

"If I am guessing correctly I think he's trying to tell us not to drink any wine or send any owls right now…and that Professor Sprout maybe in danger!"

Harry rose ready to go down to the greenhouses.

"Not without help." Dumbledore flew over to the fireplace and summoned Lupin and McGonagall.

"I'm coming too." I slipped the note into my pocket and my stomach churned. Why would he have to encode his message…he suspects someone in the castle?!

"He must suspect someone in the castle." Harry put forth, we were thinking the same thing.

"Miss Granger, both Severus and I feel it would be better if you remained here."

"I understand but I can't do it, I'm too worried now."

"Very well," Lupin and McGonagall arrived. "…but you must all stick together!"

It was decided that Dumbledore, along with the house elves would search the castle for intruders, it seemed he had a map similar to The Marauder's Map tucked away behind one of the paintings.

Harry and I filled in Minerva and Remus on the way down. Remus took the lead and I could see he was letting his wolf senses have free reign. I had hold of my wand in my pocket and stayed close next to McGonagall.

We checked all the greenhouses and Sprout was nowhere in sight and then I remembered the garden in the back. Lupin pulled me back, wanting to enter first. By the light of Harry's wand I could just make out the table, two glasses of wine, one tipped over, its contents spilling out, the other still full.

McGonagall let out a shrill scream and then I saw sprout, she was sprawled out on the bench, hopefully just unconscious.

Remus and Harry continued to search the garden area while Minerva and I tried to revive Professor Sprout.

She came round but was very weak.

"Oh my word!" Sprout looked at all of us, knowing who we were but to groggy to make sense.

I watched Harry pick up the wine glass with a rag and smell the contents, he cast a spell on the liquid and then observed.

"Harry what is it?" I had to know what he suspected, but a clammy feeling told me it wasn't going to be good.

"It's laced with a heavy sleeping potion."

"Poor thing." Sprout was struggling to sit up.

"Better to put her on a stretcher and let her sleep it off under Poppy's care." Remus suggested.

Minerva conjured a stretcher and the plan was that she and I would guide Sprout back to the castle while Remus and Harry searched the grounds.

With wands drawn and senses tingling we made it back safely to the front steps. Once inside I was determined to seek out Dumbledore. I was afraid for Snape, he may have walked into a trap when Voldemort summoned him this time, especially if there was an informant inside the castle, as he must have suspected.

I descended the stairs, prepared to search the castle for him from bottom to top but just as I stepped off the stairs at the dungeon level someone grabbed me and everything went black.

**AN:** I know it's a cliffie, but I promise I'll try to finish soon! Hope everyone is enjoying June. It's a little crazy around here!


	14. Blinded by love

Disclaimer: All rights and characters belong to JKR and co. This story is only for fun and not intended for profit.

AN: Oooh, that was a long hiatus, my apologies to everyone that was following.

"soul meets soul on lover's lips." Percy Bysse Shelley

At first I couldn't move, or speak, so much I wanted to leap off whatever I was lying on, feel pain, grit my teeth and move to action…but my desperate messages were all thwarted, my body could not answer. Slowly and without knowing how long, I found the will to open my eyes. The room was quiet and dim, I was lying on what seemed a couch. A young man sat at a writing desk, his wavy dark hair in contrast with the white wall behind him. He continued to write, dipping his quill and sometimes smiling and laughing to himself.

Perhaps I was dreaming…or dead. The events of the evening were coming back to me, I could see the hand on my arm, who had grabbed me? I looked at the hands of the writer, they were long and useful, not to slim nor pale. I remember the hand now that grabbed me, it was smaller and rock hard, it was a desperate pinching grip,but the writer before me had no desperation about him, he seemed in complete control, his pen flowed and I could tell he was happy with himself, congratulatory in a way…My mind floated in and out and sleep had claimed me for I'm not sure how long…when I awoke again, the writer was gone but a few yards away a figure was slumped in a chair. I had to stare long and hard to discern the boundaries of his hair, cape and boots because only textures separated their blackness. Recognition dawned, it was Severus, young…my age. I concentrated all my effort and strained to move, whatever I had been hit with, spell or potion, the effects were wearing off and I was able to crawl off the couch.

On all fours I swayed for a moment and then inched toward him. I used his knees to draw myself up, as soon as I touched him the flaccid feel of his muscles worried me.

"Severus..?!" I spoke softly not wanting anyone else to hear us.

He stirred, his long dark hair lapped at my cheeks and fell softly onto his shoulders, his face was so young, the wrinkle that deepens between his brow whenever he is angry or frustrated is gone and tears well in my eyes, I am afraid that he is not my Snape anymore.

"Miss Granger?…Hermione?" He is tries to place my voice.

"Yes, I am here? What happened." I shake him slightly to rouse him and he responds listlessly and opens his eyes…I recoil in fright, it is all black, his eyes are as black as his hair, no whites.

He closes them, dropping his head forward, hair covering them so as to shield me.

"Voldemort knows our plan…he rested me of the love potion I had concealed and he threw some in my face…He knew all along…about the fugum"

I shook my head in disbelief. "It's impossible…how?"

"I suspect Longbottom was somehow manipulated." His words came out in a sigh.

I couldn't take it all in…we needed to find a way out. "Your eyes…what happened to them…can you see at all?…We need to get away quickly."

"I have been blinded by love." His hair swayed slightly back and forth with the admission, as if he were resigned to his fate.

"Blinded by love?" I don't understand. We must find a way out…come let's hide at least."

I grabbed his hand but I felt nothing.

"I am incapacitated with emotion…" his arm fell back to his side and he struggled to explain… "Everything is love, all my thoughts and feelings, I am at one moment so deeply moved and at another desolate with heartbreak, my body has responded with a pervasive numbness…." He rested his head back and lifted up the aquiline of his nose… "a protective reaction I am sure."

The effects of my abduction had worn off enough to allow me some vigor.

"Well I will carry you then if I have to." I stood and moved to slip his arm around my shoulder when the door opened.

The writer walked in but now I knew it was Voldemort.. I had never seen him at this age but Snape had described him to me when he had been at Malfoy Manor, it occurred to me that's probably where we were.

"Miss Granger…Tom Riddle, I don't think we've met." He approached me with an extended hand and all the humility and friendliness of a wellbred English schoolboy. I sidestepped him and placed my body between his and Severus'.

He smiled but his eyes burned red at the edges.

A tapping at the windowsill drew our attention away. Voldemort motioned and the window raised. An eagle flew in and transformed, it was Malfoy. I looked at his hands and knew it had been him that grabbed me in the dungeon. His long blond hair, usually imbeccably groomed, fell loose from a leather tie. He was visibly winded but he drew himself up to convey his message.

"I have delivered the note to Dumbledore, Potter will be here within the hour. It seems Miss Granger here means a great deal to the Hogwarts teachers.

"I can't imagine why? She's ugly, ignorant and look who she chooses for a protector?"

Voldemort motioned to Snape.

"Mmm, I never did trust him my Lord."

"And Longbottom?"

"At the bottom of the lake by now."

"And for that you will be compensated Malfoy, you have done well." Malfoy broke into a disgusting self serving smile and then without provocation Voldemort raised his hand and cast the cruciatus on him. He fell to the floor writhing in pain. I kept Severus shielded, knowing I needed a plan to get us out of there.

"You have done well indeed Malfoy, but don't forget who is the master!"

Another tapping on the window made me jump and Voldemort looked away to see too and in that moment Harry burst through the door. It was Hedwig and Fawkes at the window, they must have followed Malfoy, with Harry holding on to Fawkes.

Harry let off a series of spells but Voldemort was so lightning fast they never touched him. He raised his arm in retaliation and Harry dropped and rolled behind the desk.

"Did you really think you could fool me with your potions and powders?" He directed his gaze at me and I was blown back against the wall. I crumpled in a heap, more shocked than hurt.

"You see your lover makes no move to defend you or save the boy who lived"

"He is not my lover."

"Your lying is pathetic, even for a Gryffindor…you bore me."

"But I am not lying…we have never kissed, never declared anything." A faint whisper in my ear told me to keep going. It said.. "tell him to look inside your mind." The prospect of having Voldemort inside of me made me shudder but I obeyed the voice.

"Look if you don't believe me."

"I don't need your permission girl." He was angry and before I had time for another breath he was inside me. I watched him rifle through my memories like a greedy child. The past few weeks had been difficult and I could tell he was pausing at particular events. My love for Harry at the order meetings, cradling Hedwig when I had found her hurt, my attraction for Snape the night I lay on the ground outside of Hagrid's, my fear of disappointing him when I had ventured out without letting anyone know, my tender love and compassion for him every time I had to read one of his notes, and of course my confused emotions towards Neville. The memories with Snape he paused the longest, observing, curious, as one studies another species. It was the most recent memories of only moments ago where he lingered last. I tried to hide my feelings, at this point I'm not sure why, but Snape's vulnerability brought out my maternal instincts, and I knew for some reason these would be the hardest for Voldemort to view.

He exited with the same forcefulness as he entered and I had to breathe deeply so as not to lose consciousness.

Voldemort was silent, he turned his back on us and stalked a few paces away.

Harry popped up and cast the Killing Curse at him but Voldemort caught it behind his back and threw it into the fireplace, it exploded in flames and quickly the curtain next to it caught on fire as well.

I got up and started to run to Snape but Voldemort caught me in his arms, he held me and looked into my eyes. He was searching for something, desparately trying to make a connection and for one moment my eyes softned for him, he was a boy, lost in his own anger and violence. It was at that moment that Snape sprang to his feet and doused Tom with a potion. We all stood motionless, Snape's pupils had constricted back to normal and both he and Voldemort were aging back to themselves. Voldemort grabbed me by the shoulders and kissed me quickly as if he knew he hadn't much time.

All the passion, pain, the inhuman and the wounded boy poured into that one kiss and a voice whispered in my ear, "…respond as if it were me."

It was Snape's voice, I was sure of it. I responded back and I could see faintly that Voldemort was aging more rapidly, his wavy dark hair growing gray and his demeanor more snakelike. I pushed him away before the transformation was complete and Severus caught me up in his arms.

"Harry, now!"

"On Snape's command Harry leapt over the desk and positioned himself just in front of us. Voldemort was staggering about, his once handsome face aging into a grotesque form. I looked away, it was to much.

"How is it that you are alright?" I looked up into Snape's eyes.

"Miss Granger please…" his voice exasperated and his frown line between his eyebrows firmly in place… " you do not really think that I would trust Longbottom with my life do you, a little credit, please? I was never affected by the fugum, early on I created a shielding potion, a sort of antidote to its effects… my mood and behavior I'm afraid was an act to convince Malfoy and Voldemort that we were trying to drug him. I couldn't let on, if you were captured your memories had to seem real…for that I am sorry" He bowed his head in true forgiveness.

The fire burned and Voldemort staggered about before us, Harry raised his arm to cast the killing spell but all I could do was throw my arms around Snape.

"Oh… I love you." I hugged him with all my might.

"I allowed myself to hope for that." He smiled as I had never seen him before, he knelt his head and kissed me, at the same time he placed his hand on Harry's shoulder augmenting the force to three souls with which Harry brought down his wand on what was left of Voldemort.

AN: Epilogue to follow. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.


	15. Epilogue

**Dear Readers**: I was going through some of my old stories and had forgotten that Death in Small Doses had never gotten an epilogue and remained in the Uncompleted category. Well, here it is. Looking forward to some reading and Writing on my time off. Cheers, Indianpipe.

I turned to Harry, he was crouched on the floor near the spot where Voldemort had disintegrated. Severus still had a hold on me but I broke away and knelt beside my friend.

"You've done it, it's finally over." I placed my hand on his arm, it seemed he needed reassurance; there was a faraway disconnected look in his eye.

He looked up to me… "he was part of me…" his voice dropped low, "…on some level. If things had been different I could have been him." The admittance drained the small amount of energy he had left and he wavered on the spot. I drew him into an embrace and while I comforted him I thought of the kiss I had shared with Voldemort. The need, the longing for love he had so desperately wanted all along brought tears to my eyes and validation to exactly what Harry was feeling. We stayed like that for a few moments until I heard a grown and rustling nearby. Snape had successfully doused the flames about the room and was attempting to rouse Lucius from his unconscious state.

"I understand the need for respite but I fear our Mr. Longbottom may be drowning at the bottom of Hogwarts lake as we speak. I need to deliver Lucius to the Aurors , you two go ahead, quickly!"

Harry and I jumped to our feet, I had forgotten about Neville in the fray. Lucius had said he was at the bottom of the Lake by now.

Just as we were about to apparate Snape gave me a hard look, "They used the Imperius on him…I'm sure now." With that we were gone, and all I could think of was that he knew all along.

We landed near the gates of Hogwarts and ran to the lake on the eastern shore. Immediately, we saw what we knew must be Neville. Harry and I ran and as we approached we saw a giant tentacle slither back into the water. The giant squid had saved him!

"Neville, Neville…" I sat him up and he sputtered.

"Hermione…Harry? How did I get here?" I looked into Harry's eyes and mouthed the words Unforgivable.

We hoisted him up and started off for the castle.

Harry cleared his throat and tried to explain to Neville what may have happened. He started with the fugum…for we had no idea of knowing how far back he had lost control of his own actions.

He had no recollection and with each piece of information his cheeks grew redder with shame and indignation. I grabbed his hand and held him…he had come so far in life I dreaded that he would lose ground over something so out of his control.

He wanted to know it all and begged Harry not to leave anything out but I gave Harry a stern warning look and he knew it was concerning Professor Sprout.

Neville indeed had created the fugum powder and had come up with the idea to use it against Voldemort but after that his recollection was dim.

I thought back and knew our first meeting then had been under his own volition and my stepped faltered realizing that he had indeed offered me a job and perhaps more…

I let go of his hand and we walked side by side inside the castle.

"Neville I think you need to go up to the Hospital wing, you've been through a lot." He acquiesced, looking like he wasn't sure what else to do.

"Hermione, I need to speak with Dumbledore and make sure the aurors have been dispatched to Malfoy Manor…we don't want Snape getting ambushed by deatheaters." Harry said.

My eyes widened. "Yes..go, hurry."

Poppy scurried about Neville, asking questions, checking him over and I lingered on the outskirts. Harry had set me off to worrying over Snape. I hadn't thought of the other deatheater's, what if somehow Lucius summoned them.

Neville was pronounced fine but tired and Poppy had given him a potion to make him sleep. I walked over to him, just as he was getting drowsy.

He looked up to me… " I am sorry if I hurt you…or anyone…I know you and Harry want to spare my feelings."

"Oh, Neville…you were not yourself…

"Longbottom, if I hear one more word of self pity I will hex you back into the lake where you and the squid will I'm sure be very happy." Severus advanced behind me, filled with determination and purpose. My hand drifted towards Snape's and immediately he grasped it, firm and warm. "Finally we have something legitimate to celebrate and all I see is tears. Do you not understand…We are free and alive, two things I was not sure until today would come together." His eyes glittered as he spoke.

He was so positive I hardly knew him…oh he was Severus all right, challenging, brow furrowed but all the energy was directed up. Neville was getting drowsy but he let out a laugh at Severus' threat.

"We have some points to discuss before the fesitivities I think?" He turned to me.

We made to leave quietly as Neville was sleepy but then Snape turned back to him.

"Oh and Longbottom, Excellent potion, that fugum. I always knew you would do it someday."

At this both Neville and I let out a laugh and shook our heads. Snape even joined us and laughed out loud, which was more than a bit disarming.

We retreated to the hall, still holding on to each other, perhaps feeling that our admission at Malfoy manner might disappear like a glamour if we let go.

For a moment we just stared into each others eyes, smiling at the notion of how silly we had been for not realizing our love for each other sooner and then something came back to me.

"You knew all along Neville was under the Imperius? How could you not have told me?" I caught him by surprise.

He raised his hand in defense, "I was never sure…but towards the end I suspected. Lucius was intercepting your missives to Longbottom, he must have showed Voldemort and then he sent Malfoy to control his actions. I was only sure on the night of my abduction. You see Neville and I had a meeting set about the fugum, I was going to test out my theory and see if he was under the influence but Malfoy knew I must have been suspicious so the idea was to drug me, as they had Sprout and take me from the castle. He brought a bottle of wine to our meeting and pressed me to drink. I had a feeling this was the plan so I faked unconsciousness. I had to follow the thread to Voldemort…I knew it might be Harry's chance to finish him off.

But how did Harry know to come to Malfoy Manor?" I asked this question with an idea of what the answer was going to be and it was getting me more than a little angry.

"I had told Albus my fears and we both decided Harry should know as well." He explained it without any regret.

"But what about me?"

"As I told you I was torn on that point. I did it to protect you…I did not want you vulnerable with knowledge nor did I want you having to 'act' out your feelings. Do not underestimate your role in this…Hermione. Without you we could never have brought him down. You have loved us all, perhaps in different ways, and Voldemort had to see that…that innocence and honesty or he never would have faltered."

"Yes…well…" How could I really argue now? "I still like being informed."

He took me in his arms and just before kissing me he said, " Once we are married Miss Granger you will be privy to all my notions of people being under the Imperius Curse."

He growled softly.

The End.


End file.
